The Face of Stubborn and Stupid

We were drowning in legal at this point. This woman was dragging court on and on. Saying she did nothing but the prosecutors do not file cases they do not think they will win, and they saw her as mentally unstable, violent, and dangerous.  

San Diego takes strangulation very seriously, but not as seriously; we learned if you do not qualify as protected parties under Domestic Violence. But until that point, the point they also realized I am not protected; I was very much being protected by this city.

This photo was the picture the police took of her after she strangled me. The face of the woman that lied about it and dragged on criminal court until she knew if she continued she’d go to jail. This face has no remorse. This face looks satisfied. This face is smirking but her eyes are sad. I would be very sad if I were her, she can’t be real she lives a constant lie to this day.

June 8, 2015, Monday

Talking to Lance, my dear retired attorney friend, he connected us with the best Family Law firm in San Diego. Not worth it by any means. This mess is costing us so much money. Our case is unique; we fell into a wobbler/loophole, and because an actual murder didn’t happen and all my injuries were internal, it made it more challenging.  June 8, 2015, Monday

We were also unaware of exhausting the retainer, and the conversation with Randi, our attorney, always feels vague. Who knew you could spend $15K on writing one declaration! Not in any emotional or mental state to do this. 

I keep saying to myself that I can’t deal with this right now, totally counterproductive and further traumatizing. We are not our usual selves. We need an outline of what has to be done to protect our rights until the criminal trial. Put in a box until all the criminal trial concludes. They are trying to rush the family part. Lack of transparency with the courts makes Domestic Violence cases so much harder on victims. 

Sharon would like to represent us. Leave everything sitting the way it is and see if we can develop a plan not to have to change attorneys. 

Are we hanging a carrot out there? In light of the opposition meaning Sara Neumann. We have lost confidence in Randi’s aggressiveness or lack of. We want to know what she will say and if she is going to fight for us. I want to see some fire when we are on the side of the right. Punt this over until after the criminal trial or until we are back on our feet.  

Lance is coaching us. Have the total costs been communicated? Good question. Say something like you want them to continue, but I can’t pay going forward. It sounds rough but can they, in good conscious take a $15K and not give proper notice of retainer running out. Once they tell us no, they can’t do it for free? Then ask what the try for rate is, 70% rate? Blah, Blah, Blah. Punt it; I can’t deal with it right now. Lance might have to get involved. 

We need to put any attorney-client issues to rest. What steps your firm believes need to be taken from now to the end of the criminal trial. That is all we need to know. We need a smaller universe to deal with. Everything feels overwhelming.

We need them to know we can’t deal with the complexity, frustration, and reactivation of working through this bill with Randi. We need a minimal path. Essential list and when it needs to be done. 

Yes, it could go to arbitration, but chances are they will write off all the time. 

Randi is not spending a lot of time preparing us. Lance would not have handled it the way she handled it. Motion to get relieved from the court. I blew up that we got no warning that we got to the 15K, got one bill that we barely used anything, then our following statement was that we exceeded, then there could be another 7K more.  

My husband and I cried today together. This is so hard. We have reminded ourselves of the family pact; everything for the next year is forgiven, committed permanently, meaning that even when things are ultra shitty, we have to stay together. 

I was DONE this morning. Feeling like nothing will ever be the same yelling inside so loud feeling trapped. But I am committed to living an authentic life. I cannot stay trapped feeling. I must find a way to communicate what is inside. To this day, we are challenged with healing the relationships with my stepkids because of this. 

Dr. Shannon called me and told me I am one of the best mothers. Top five mothers. She is such outstanding support. Looking back, we were so lucky to have her. Sometimes I wonder if we could all go back and get help again to heal.  

June 9, 2015, Tuesday

Email received from the City Prosecutor. 

Penal Code 273.5 confirmed this is Domestic Violence. Reading this today frustrates me so badly because ultimately, it was only Domestic Violence for my husband while I was the one strangled by his ex-wife in our home, and it was not Domestic Violence for me. Really, #California our #laws are not leading the nation by any means in Domestic Violence? Catch up. Step is Family. We are unprotected parties in this state. 

California Penal Code Section 273.5(a) PC makes it illegal to injure a spouse, cohabitant, or fellow parent in an act of domestic violence. 

However, it doesn’t change the sentencing aspect 1203097—higher charges, more wobbly. Therapists and medical doctors will need to be involved. She is waiting to talk to the doctors. Expert witnesses. Medical strangulation expert will be called in. It is now less about the relationship but the super violent conduct. No offers for a plea bargain yet; they want to go to trial! This woman is nuts, holding on to her lies so tightly, she will lose in court. I will bet my life she goes for a plea. If they go to trial, she will go to jail. She is being stubborn and stupid. 

Readiness on June 19 Conference, off the record. Opportunity to plea bargain and see what types of evidence they have to try to reduce to an infraction or dismiss, which she is not going to do. They are trying to say they have evidence. They are trying to say that my husband’s son has evidence to help his mother. Prosecutor may want to get the adult son’s reaction; we say let it go; they are doing it on purpose. We want to keep the children out of this. 

Strangulation is very hard to prove; there is a very high burden of proof in criminal court. She said she filed it with the courts because the conduct was so dangerous. If she were a jerk, she would subpoena the son. Left it at no news is good news. The only other thing is just a caution, truth, and what happened—a certain tendency to give statements when we are emotional. Everything we have said has been the truth of what happened.  

Talking to Lance, he realizes how seriously injured I am. Still in that zone, he would say. Lance would like to get on the phone for an hour and talk through it with the attorneys.

She needs our help to identify what steps and what dates to protect our interests from now and after the conclusion of the criminal trial. That would solve everything. They would stay of counsel. Consider retainer Black to consult with us. Too confusing and overwhelming. Reaccess all the visitation costs till after the criminal trial. It costs us $50 every time my stepdaughter visits her mother. Imagine we have to pay for the visitation; it is so backward. 

Back to needing an outline of what needs to be done and now and July 16, give us enough time to bridge it without having our rights infringed and not cost us much. Unless we get to the point in the negotiation goes too far.

We need to say we can’t agree to release you as counsel, and we can’t afford to pay any more money. We had no idea we would burn through this much money this fast: credibility, integrity at stake. Figure a possible way to protect our rights and not deal with the money until after the criminal trial. Familitaly, financially, emotionally, totally incompetent at this moment. A bullet point list to keep it simple, I can’t even do that. 

I was trying to find some way to make sense of this. It’s so hard to find and keep balance. My meditations are focused on staying positive. I repeat balance over and over and over again. I am attending to my healing, still being a mother, and trying not to absorb this woman’s energy while in her daughters’ presence. It is almost impossible. 

I know I am on the right track. It’ is so hard to accept that that you’re in the right place at the right time. Stay positive, feel supported by yourself. It must start here with me. I find within assurance that things are and will work out for the best when I focus on the desired outcome, stay positive, go with the flow, and continue taking steps in creating what I want.

So hard to stay focused on what you want rather than what you do not, and to trust that all is well and everything is working out according to how it is supposed to be. 

I am writing everywhere on post-it notes. 


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