Time Heals A Lot But Not Lack of Remorse

Just over a month after it happened and visitation started for the mother that attacked me. The courts want to preserve the relationship with the child no matter how badly the parent behaved. Fascinating to me. Good, I guess, although if my mother acted that way, things would never be the same for how I see her.  

Suppose I acted violently with my child present towards anyone I would expect to be held accountable. I would search for ways to make it up to her. To this day, this woman lies to her children. Five years ten months later, she still lies.  

Time heals a lot but not lack of remorse.  

We are just over a month after the attack.  This was our life. I was not working just constant doctors appointment and therapy appointments with the trauma specialist. So fortunate to have access to this level of care after. This made such a differnece in the long run.

May 23, 2015, Saturday

My stepdaughter had a visit with her Mom today. 

May 24, 2015, Sunday 

Visit with her Mom again today; we learned that she would be having a play date with her friend’s house instead of visiting with her Mom. My brother came today. We planned on seeing my stepdaughter’s friend from school again today, but it got too busy. 

May 25,back 2015 Monday 

I started physical therapy. My brother took me. Then we went to Dr. Cantu for some brain treatment. I started doing neurofeedback therapy for my brain traumas. My brain scans show that my brain is exhausted and wants to sleep. 

May 26, 2015, Tuesday 

Visit with her Mom—stress-filled day. On the days she has to see her Mom, she acts so differently. Agitated all day, so angry. 

May 27, 2015, Wednesday 

Visit with her Mom we went to the Chiropractor after. The girls fought the entire way. On the days my stepdaughter visits with her Mom, her whole body gets out of sorts. 

May 28, 2015, Thursday

Doctor Cantu today. Lydia today, my energy coach. It doesn’t feel beaten down, minimized, put down. We are raising a child to be a poor contributor to society.  

May 29, 2015, Friday 

Chris left today, so bummed. I had to drop him off at the airport and then got to get my hair done. We were gone until 3 pm. Julian came over and grabbed Julian’s head. Violent reaction. 

May 30, 2015, Saturday 

Listening to Glen Campbell on Pandora. Jonathan saw his Grandma on his Dad’s side more than he saw his Dad because his Mom tried to keep him from his Dad. She did the real parent alienation before it was popular. He lived through it and senses it now. We are worried about what this woman tells my stepdaughter; thankful there is supervision. She got a cupcake with her Mom, but then she comes home digging around for more sweet food. Olivia spent the night at our house this past Saturday.  

May 31, 2015, Sunday 

Visit with her Mom. Today went smoother. We get feedback from big brother that she wants to see her little brother (funny, she has gone three years now not seeing her little sister). Last night she got out of bed to talk to us and asked if I would sleep with her, but it just doesn’t feel real anymore. At least I can see that I am not in panic mode any more. Amazing what a little bit of time will do for you. 

June 1, 2015, Monday 

Today she has to go to school. She is in a pretty terrible mood, but that is nothing new. Tracy Thompson refused to let her Dad stay with her and sit with Tracy because she was not comfortable. We finally got her to school, and Muirlands was terrible at helping us heal. 

June 2, 2015, Tuesday

She talked to Emily about her Dad getting a restraining order. Lunch date at school with her best friend. 

June 3, 2015, Wednesday 

At Court, Sara Neumann forgot her notes and wanted to ask if she could go to the printer? Then mentioned that if she could get on FB, everything would be okay. She could not pronounce Aurelia’s name. Neumann’s is a mess. Got into minor counsel, and the judge asked what the scope of her representation would be. The other side is on board with a minor counsel. Neumann feels a regular appointment is necessary. One of the things they would address the use of the restraining order that was prepared for counsel and use the judicial council that is typically used in order 344, and some extended language used not there that is not code. FL343….wrong form. FL323, she finally found her note. In agreement to see if Miss Milligan is available. Neuman arguing that it does not matter to my deposition and I should still be disposed. Doctor’s notes not given; Nueman wants them.

Neuman set at the county rate, and the judge said that the minor counsel would be paid. Finance declaration. August 11th date set for the Family Court hearing. Week of the 13th for the FCS. ARO to address the current supervised visitation situation, but Walker and Neumann are doing it now. Sometime after July 8, anticipated it would last three days. Sometime after July 15 or later. July 16 8:00. Request to change supervisor, trying to get Monika wants to keep ABC Kids. More importantly, your honor, she believes that my stepdaughter is entirely comfortable. Remaining dispute. Sara dispute telling so many lies. Issues of subpoenas. Judge says that there are issues between the council. Neuman is saying that my stepdaughter is comfortable with Monika. So funny how an email is sent the day from Monika trying to disclose information about how well she was doing, but she tells us that she does not like her and all they do is shop. Neuman is saying that we are isolating my stepdaughter, not letting her see her little brother. Once we have given notice to our attorney that we are not…..Aurelia says she does not know Olivia or her Mom. That is a new friend that friend doesn’t count. 

We reached out to the friend’s Mom to schedule a sleepover. 

This happened in my most vulnerable relaxed, unguarded state. That is the job of the attorney to keep that front and center. How long to get over it. Details to how violent it was. 

What basis would you continue counsel? Plant the seed back there, and don’t worry about it. I am healing. This can be put off; deal with this until after the criminal trial.

What needs to get done and when? Then let us know.  

I need to heal; this is too stressful. I need time. Look at the schedule; what’s the latest we can get together for after the criminal trial. Take into account both sides. Take notes at the break—big smokescreen.  

June 4, 2015, Thursday

So many exchanges with the visitation service. I am canceling and rescheduling. My husband is so stressed. Big huge blow up with my stepdaughter. He said she could go back to her Mom’s if it’s going to be like this all the time. So rough. Even after all the drama, there is still this drama.  

Lydia, my energy coach notes: 

Karmic Release. Not my family, yours but not yours. Victimized from her. She is wholly and emotionally illiterate. I welcomed her into my life. Yours but not yours. Not your family. Shannon is working with Sage. My stepdaughter is like a volcano ready to explode need to ask Shannon. She is not improving and becoming more aggressive. Very shallow many inches of deep suffering. Interacts at the top of the scab—triggers for the ex-wife. Live in a place? Potential. I feel like my stepdaughter has the potential to hurt me physically. Her wounding not with her mother; she perceives rejection. Fought to have her core wounding is her mother. One love in her heart is for her mother. Keep Shannon informed. My stepdaughter needs anger management. Put trust in the divine love upholding her. Do the best we can to get through the wounding. Myself too when I can. Behavior is not welcome. Invited her into our home. I’ve been a punching bag. Push and pull of the wound. My prep for Lydia got derailed ☹ Renewal cellular memory; tightness is cramped, reorchestrate entire system to play in tune, Grace, and gratitude. Reinvite the sparkles. Access new pathways that being ….seeing life with ease….fourth chakra green. 

Legal stuff with Randi not being on top of the case. We are working on the case being adjusted. We should have requested to be billed weekly to see how fast things were going. We need to find a new attorney. FCS preparation. 

Working on getting my stepdaughter to grandmas. 

June 5, 2015, Friday

Rosenberg doctor weird experience. I am feeling really off. Head hurts so bad. 

June 6, 2015, Saturday 

So exhausted at 8 pm every night. 

June 7, 2015, Sunday

I cried a lot about 11 am, started having a panic attack but got out of it. Voice is really hoarse. My neck is really sore, body feels really sore. Have to write and summarize the lawyer bill.