Would you force your kid back to school after they witnessed domestic violence?

I highly recommend utilizing mediation services if you have to engage with your child’s school after a Domestic Violence altercation he/she may have witnessed. Do not speak directly to the school about what happened. Have your attorney and your doctor be the people they talk to about their students, especially if you think your ex has spoken to them first.

Her mother grasped at anything she could. She went to the school and told them some bizarre story that had them turned against us by the time we got there to address why their student could not return to school. My stepdaughter was frozen with fear. She quickly developed a post-traumatic stress response from what happened that day. No way was she able to learn at school; she had a panic attack if she left our side.

The bio mom told the school that we were stealing her daughter from her and trying to put her in jail for staged domestic violence. This created so many issues for us that were just unnecessary. The school ended up threatening us with the Police if we did not force my stepdaughter to go to school. Think about that. This is a La Jolla Middle School with a principal who has since moved on, but really? It was the absolute most bizarre experience. We thought we had no choice, so we tried, against all our instincts. We still feel bad about this. It was not the right decision for my stepdaughter.

4/22/15 Wednesday
We took her to school again today. She got through two classes.

The school was just another trauma on top of trauma. Our little daughter just asked for Dr. Shannon to do the “buzzes” #EMDR and for her sister to rub her back that she is afraid to go to sleep. Both of my children are afraid to go to sleep. My husband is struggling to process all this, and we feel like we are in a pressure cooker. We have no family to support us here, and it sucks.

We are having a hard time getting past the principal’s actions, squeezing my husband’s hand as an intimidation tactic. What was the purpose of that? The principal did not even read the doctor’s letter that spoke to why his student was unable to return to school. He bullied my stepdaughter to go back to school. Teachers have no business questioning why she didn’t want to go to school. They told her aggressively that it is not her choice. The vice principal was talking badly about us to the special resource teacher. This schools is overtop on drama and underwhelming on conflict resolution. Nor do they have any idea whatsoever what trauma looks like.

4/24/15 Thursday
We got my stepson to see Dr. Shannon today we went to Dr. Shannon too for two hours. Judy from the HOA calling to settle that our small toddler daughter was wrong for what she said, and she can talk to any kids she wants after we told her to stop speaking directly to our children to resolve adult issues. As if we can deal with HOA right now. OMG. We already had a cooperating nightmare.

4/28/15 Tuesday
We went to Hawaii to meet my parents and sister.

Talking to the Samantha at the District. Getting directions on the formal complaint.

Handwritten truancy letter on 4/20 from the school. Truancy letters are always system-generated, so they went out of their way. All absences are still unexcused, we talked to the attendance manager, and he told us he had been told not to do anything. They were purposefully jerks.

Today was our first appearance in family court ex parte, so we didn’t have to be present. Our old friend Debbie was there apparently high strung acting and supporting the ex-wife who did not even know the name of her attorney.

5/18 Domestic Violence Hearing 9 am

Temporarily have to go back and have a hearing services mediation just the bio mom 5/13 8 am no attorneys are present—we plan on meeting before with our attorney.

Hearing with the recommendation from mediation. But now I have these questions…

1 Aurelia and her attorney are under the impression that the charges are going to be dropped? News to us.

2 How would charges being dropped affect the criminal protective order?

3 Do I need a criminal attorney?

4/30/15 Thursday

We went to Maui; today left our small daughter with my parents. It’s hard to travel but we would have been so sad to miss this trip to come stay with my parents. I need nothing more but to feel safe, and being with them makes me feel safe.

We talked to Dr. Shannon; she told us that she spoke to Aurelia and Randi, our attorney. Randi regarding the supervision and the consent to the therapy. Shannon told us that she spoke to Randi and it was clarified that Aurelia did not say that she did not give consent but that the attorney said that her client did not give consent. Odd if you think about it. Why would her attorney not know if she gave consent or not? This attorney speak through is stupid.

I hugged my daughter and tweaked my neck; it’s like it all seized up. The littlest things trigger it. Having the Vicodin and Migraine medicine is helping me, I hate taking it makes me feel sick. But I have to take it to be able to shoot around with the family today. We have done nothing. All I do is want to lay around.

When I think about the experience so far with the school, and what is happening I feel like I should try to act not injured in front of my stepdaughter even though I am because people are telling me that my “hysterics” about what happened is traumatizing her and making her think bad things about her mother. My hysterics. Wow. As if I am supposed to not react to someone trying to kill me. It’s the most bizarre experience of my life.

My right to feel pain, my right to be hurt, my right to feel terrorized is being taken away, or questioned or me having to fight for this right while going through this crisis is absurd. I cannot even wrap my head around it. I don’t think I could wrap my head around it when I am healthy with a brain that works good let alone with a brain that isn’t working.

I worry about my brain function returning, I worry about my neck movement returning and that I will never be loose again and agile. I am always bracing my self for more traumas. Maybe because what Dr. Shannon says it right that the trauma will continue.

My healed self today sees how right she was—five years after, and there is still residual trauma. Getting your kid back to school is not the most important thing after they have witnessed domestic violence. Getting them into a place they feel safe and comfortable again is the priority. Their mental health is the priority, not school unless it supports their mental health. She easily could have said school was that place and she would have been supported by us.

Forcing her to go there was 100% against our instincts and certainly added to her trauma and ours.

#domesticviolence #trauma #school #student #principal #viceprincipal #middleshcool #family #strangulationsurvivor #healing #thriving #educate #compassion #wearestrongerbecauseofit


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