One year before….

There were times when she showed up, and things felt pretty normal. This was one year before when she attacked me. There was a lot we were dealing with. We felt that we would be doing all these efforts to keep my stepdaughter happy and healthy, she’d go to her mom’s house and come back putting us at square one. We could not get rid of lice, foot fungus, skin rashes, or traction on reading and diet you name it. Zero consistency was our biggest issue. But when she had it, she was a magical child. With just a bit of consistency, she could accomplish anything. Nothing we said meant anything everything was an attack, and it would flip flop on whether or not they had the same issues. Some days that did and some days she was offended by us telling her.

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband
Sent: Tuesday, April 1, 2014 2:04 PM
Subject: Switch 3/31

Hi Husband’s Ex-Wife,

We had a very eventful two weeks. There are several things you need to be made aware of.

•   The reason why she wanted to stay was because she let us know that she wrote 3 letters to her teachers asking them to move her desk. 2 to Ms. Hasselbrink and 1 to Liz. It looks like Liz was able to help her and solve issues with Jack but she still seems to have issues with Nick. Devin does not seem to be bothering her anymore. We did talk to her about this, she said she talked to you about it and your support was shedding light on the fact that these boys most likely have crushes on her. We reinforced this as we agree but that doesn't necessarily make it better for her because the boys have continued to be jerky to her. We are working with her on helping her understand that there are things we can control and things we can't. How we feel is what we control. We are encouraging her to understand that we can't stop all the negative behavior but she does need to choose to not care or not have it bother her as much as it does. We touched base with Ms. Hasselbrink about the letters. Their stories are not quite the same as she doesn't remember the letters. Either way the desks in the whole class got moved around and she is surrounded by new peers and seems to be okay with it. What is most concerning to us is that she is not coming to her families to help her with this stuff and trying to take matters into her own hands.  
•   We have taken the initiative to get her text books and book club book on Audio. She is entitled to have this with her IEP/Dyslexia. At this point in her academic career telling her to try harder to read we feel is unfair and all that matters is that the information gets into her brain. If she were blind we would not tell her to try harder to read. We purchased her newest book club on audio book from iTunes for $17.95. If she wants more audiobooks which we should encourage you should have an idea of the costs. We are trying to find ways to find audiobooks for less money and will keep you posted. We have dedicated our iPod Nano to her audiobooks. She may need to bring this between the homes so it's important that you know when she is bringing it so we can keep track of it. We have been in touch with Muirlands about getting her text books on audio and will be reaching out to LJES to get her current science and social studies books on audio if possible to help with the rest of the year. We are telling her it is important to read along as she listens because the more her brain sees the words the easier reading will get in the long run.
•   She has a fungus on her feet. She needs new socks, somehow all her socks have disappeared. The black boots smell like something died in them and subsequently her feet smell very foul too. Please stay on top of her changing her socks and underwear and also taking extra care of her feet now to eliminate the fungus/athletes foot she has now. We have been using powder and tea tree oil which seem to be working
•   Her friend got her period, there was a lot of questions and concern surrounding this. Just a heads up I think you may know already but wanted to make sure
•   Apparently your current husband hates Prius's because we have one. Whether this was verbalized in front of her or she over heard it, what is important is that she is not included or can overhear any private conversations about his dislike of my new wife. This as you can imagine does not feel good to recieve on our end.
•   ST Math Fluency needs to be a priority as this is the multiplication times tables practice. We have been reminding her daily to do it, this is seperate from ST Math which also needs daily practice for her to improve her math. 

Last, regarding dance. We are happy to support in an activity that makes her happy provided that she is doing well in school and handling her responsibilities. She still does not on her own remember to do her homework, brush/floss her teeth, change her socks/underwear, pick up her room or help clean up at meal times. We feel that dance or any extra curricular activity given how hard school is for her should be a reward for getting the basics down on her own and being more helpful at home for the family. It would be beneficial to her and all of us if she earned dance classes by showing she is more responsible in taking better care of herself without needing a parent full time chasing her down all the time. Having reminders in her iPhone doesn’t work well, she needs to see it in order to remember to do it. We encourage a daily journal, maybe you can implement something like this on your side.

Hope she is having a good Spring Break we know she was looking forward to seeing her friend.

Husband and Husband’s New Wife

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband’s New Wife; Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband
Sent: Monday, April 7, 2014 9:46 PM
Subject: Re: Swtich 3/31

We never heard back wanted to make sure you received.

(Wow, I started following up that is interesting realizing she’d not respond a lot)

On Apr 7, 2014, at 9:46 PM, “To: Husband’s New Wife wrote:

Just got this email for the first time
Was wondering wy i got it late
Thank you for the info regarding school and audio we will support and do the same
About fungus important we know so we can check her feet no smelly feet notice on our side she has clean socks and underwear here and would appriciate you not to make conclustiond she doesnt have any here
About prius we have our opinion on them but it has nothing to do with
Also fyi she is trying very hard not to bite her nails and didnt all on our trip we encourage her about that .she was very stressed when she came back on monday and slowly calm down thank you for letting us know about the school desk situation it makes sense it was bothering her and her best friend gone etc . Hopefully things will be better now that they changed her also thabatha is coming back soon.
Its fine i understand regarding dance
It is a reward on our side for her improvement so she will go when she is with us .
Just to let you know she was wondering wy she wasnt coming back to you guys this week maybe thinking she might miss something lets try to stick to shedule weekly change next week its better for planning our lifes and stable for her.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Tuesday, April 8, 2014 9:24 AM
Subject: Re: Swtich 3/31

Also can you tell me witch audio book you already got so i get not the same.
Also just forgot to say what i told her about boys bugging her is to ignore them and not worry about it
Sometimes they tease who they like and im teatching her to care and be strong and sure of herself no matter what they say. But its true she doesnt always communicate her feelings and kind of keeps it in . Something we are working on for her to open up
Have a great week
Husband’s Ex-Wife

#strangulation #strangulationawareness #strangulationsurvivor #coparent #stepmom #stepdaughter #family #struggles #communication #domesticviolence #denial #liar #tbi #ptsd #trauma #violence #laws #stepparentsarenotprotected #protectkidsfirst

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