Instead of “babysitting” we can call it “playing”

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband’s New Wife; Husband
Subject: Our daughter
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:46:51 +0000

I will drop her of around 230 with big brother and his stuff,she has no school today.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband’s New Wife; Husband
Sent: Mon, October 11, 2010 2:01:08 PM
Subject: Our daughter

is that ok ???

From: Husband
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Sent: Monday, October 11, 2010 5:17 PM
Subject: Our daughter

Hi Husband’s Ex-Wife,
In the future it would be best to coordinate her schedule in advance. Neither my new wife or I were home when the kids came home and getting an hour or two heads up via email without a phone/text just doesn’t create the best circumstances. It’s fine for big brother to be home alone but we always like to be home when she’s home. Having not heard from you we were working under the assumption that we would see her after school tomorrow.

On Oct 12, 2010 11:46 AM,

we will..i thought you knew she didnt have school..i tried to contact you but will do it in advance next time…Husband’s Ex-Wife

From: Husband
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Sent: Monday, October 12, 2010 5:17 PM
Subject: Re: Our daughter

Huband’s Ex-Wife,
Of course I knew she had the day off from school, but that is not the point. Getting short notice that she’s being dropped off is the point. Also I’d like you to please communicate with me directly via email, or call in stead of going through her or big brother. I’d like them not to be the messengers. Neither of them need that responsibility nor is it theirs to begin with.

Thank you.

To: Husband
Cc: Hsuband’s Ex-Wife; Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:09 PM
Subject: Meeting SST Meeting

Hello, Husband/Father,

Thank you for attending our SST Meeting this morning. I am glad that both you and your new wife found the meeting to be insightful and that you took away some strategies that you can use when helping her at home. That was exactly our purpose in having the meeting. Notes from the meeting will be emailed to both you and her mom. And, as discussed, we will be reconvening in 6 weeks.

We would highly recommend that you begin the process of having her evaluated by your local public school and not wait until our next meeting. This is what you need to do:
1 Go to our school website
2 Click on the School Life dropdown.
3 Click on Student Success Team.
4 Click on Parent Letter and Timeline.
5 Using the Letter Template, write a letter to your local public school requesting an assessment for her. (This assessment is free and you are entitled to this service.)
6 Record the date on Step 1 of the Assessment Time Line.
7 Continue to record the dates on the Timeline Sheet each time you are contacted by the public school. At some time we will be contacted, too, as the public school will also want input from her teachers here at SMA.
8 This whole process can take up to 100 days. Waiting 6 more weeks will only delay the start-up time for this process.
Please email or call if you have any questions and/or need help with the process.

God bless,
Stella Maris Academy
7654 Herschel Avenue
La Jolla, CA 92037

From: SMA
Date: Oct 21, 2010 5:36 AM
Subject: Meeting SST
To: Husband; Husband’s Ex-Wife;>;

HI All,
Here is the follow up form for her recent SST meeting.
We look forward to meeting back with you on December 2, 2010.
I will send a reminder email to all!

Third Grade Teacher/Reading Specialist
Stella Maris Academy
7654 Herschel Ave.
La Jolla, CA 92037

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2010 9:26 AM
Subject: Re: Meeting SST

Dear Reading Specialist,
Thanks for following up, it’s been a busy week as we went into labor that day we met and our new baby daughter was born on Friday 10/15. Needless to say it’s been busy around here. December 2nd works great for us just confirm a time when it gets closer.

Additionally, could we set up a meeting to discuss what our steps are to getting her the IEP test through the public system? We would like to being that as soon as possible.

Husband and Husband’s New Wife

From: Husband
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife, Ex-Wife New Husband
CC: Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2010 12:51 PM
Subject: babysitting little brother

Dear Ex-Wife’s New Husband and Ex-Wife,

There is something that has been brought to our attention and it is imperative that we all get on the same page quickly. Please know that we are not attacking and truly coming from a place of love and concern that our kids are in the safest most nurturing environment possible, something that we are confident is mutually desired.

She was very excited to tell us that she earned money for babysitting her little brother. We discussed with big brother who confirmed and also gave us insight that you were very proud of her for taking on so much responsibility. It is our understanding that it was for about an hour and the reason was for you to go get waxed, clearly not an emergency. We have in the past heard that she does watch Thiago alone in her room, something we also don’t agree with, but it was while you guys are home so we have not said anything.

She at 8 years old having responsibility for her little brother compromises the safety of little brother as well as her. It also distracts from her innocence and burdens her with a huge responsibility that she in no way is ready for nor should be expected to be. There are no words to describe how concerned we are that this could possibly take place and will surprised if we don’t all agree that it’s inappropriate and dangerous.

If something were to happen while these children were alone she would be tortured for the rest of her life that she hurt her baby brother. There would be a distinct heaviness of the emotions we would all feel if something happened to her little brother while in her care as well.

She is by no means at the level of maturity or age to be given such a huge responsibility. With all due respect this is undeniably neglectful and we hope you agree it should never happen again. She should not be considered for babysitting duties to at least the age of 12.

Please share with us your thoughts. It’s imperative that we hear back from both you and ex-wife’s new husband as we cannot feel confident that her childhood is being protected while in your care if she is being forced to grow up at this accelerated speed. I think we can all agree that preserving a child’s innocence is vitally important and should be guarded.

As her parent on this end I am obligated to make sure we are all in agreement. Please respond asap.


From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband
, Husband’s Ex-Wife New Husband
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2010 12:51 PM
Subject: babysitting little brother

I totally understand your concern after hearing they were left alone,i would do the same but let me clear this misunderstanding of what happened . yes we do ask her to play with herlittle brother and watch him time to time with a little reward when she is being helpful but i was getting waxed at home in the room and she was in the leaving room ..i never left them alone that time or any other time.. if you have any questions about this place call me…Husband’s Ex-Wife

From: Husband’s Ex Wife’s Husband
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
CC:Husband’s New Wife,Husband,
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2010 12:51 PM
Subject: babysitting little brother

Please email be at xxxxxx – my other email is my spam box.

Looks like once again the facts were not all communicated properly. The kids were never left alone at home, and I can guarantee you that would never happen. Not sure why the thought of that ever happening is in question…the idea of leaving a 2 year old with a 8 year old at home alone is somewhat ridiculous if you ask us.

Instead of “babysitting” we can call it “playing” so there’s no distorted perception of what the 2 kids are doing. The word babysitting is used with her around our house, to help her grasp a sense of responsibility that a 8 year old child begins to have. But it’s harder for a kid to understand the meaning of work and reward if you call it playing…right?

As parents I’m sure we can also agree that not letting 2 kids, ever, play alone in the same room, would be contradicting to the fact that we all want to teach them responsibility and a 24/7 vigilance does not promote that.

She is rewarded for a variety of things she does at at home. Helping in the kitchen, making her bed, cleaning her room and along others, “playing” with her brother.

Hope this clears any misunderstanding.

#strangulation #coparenting #familycourt #custody #domesticviolence #metoo #strangulationawareness #ptsd #tbi #stepmom #father #daughter #lovewinsalways #family #mentalhealthawareness #stepdad #dad #mom #love

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