Does your co-parenting feel like a competition?

She got her a kitten. We had just switched the schedule at the beginning of January with all parents on the same page for schooling. Then she gets her a freaking pet. Classic parent manipulation.

This is the second cat she has been given to try and persuade her to want to be at her mother’s house more. Oh, and a hamster and it later was another dog that we later had to deal with my step daughter crying becuase of how her step dad treated the do but that is another day.

We were blown away. Why would she do this? Immediately of course the new kitten was getting beat up a little bit by her first cat which was now her little step brother’s at her mom’s house. I remember being told that she wasn’t allowed to sleep with her first cat any longer because it would make her little brother upset. So much was broken and we just didn’t see it. We believed what the mom was telling us about being on board with helping her in school.

We were just getting into a groove with school. Her classes were all up to speed. Her miss work finally made up. There were countless fights in the house over homework to get this done. She was sleeping things were good. What we didn’t know was the entire time her mother was plotting on how to get her time back. She felt her rights as a mother were violated. She would tell us one thing and her daughter some bizarre version of us breaking the law by working out a better schedule to support her learning. Even threatening the police.

I am not kidding she told her daughter that she would show up at her school with the police to take her because we were breaking the law. But she agreed to the new schedule and actually said she liked it to us. It was a competition the entire time.

From:Husband
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc:Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2015 7:49 PM
Subject: school

We spoke to her and she understands that she will be living with you for the remainder of the school year.

After receiving insinuating and insulting texts from you today regarding her school and refusing to participate with any living expenses it makes the most sense for her to spend the rest of the school year with you. Also, considering we can barely get her to school on time on most days with her one tardy, it would be easier for you being closer and all. I am sure you understand.

We will send the teachers an email letting them know that she had a living change so she can bond with her new pet.

Via your text, she clearly seems to be happier and more rested at your house and has suddenly developed the organizational skills to keep up! Great news! Be careful with the tutoring, it does create for such long days, doesn’t it?

Last, going forward please refrain from harassing forms of communication. You are correct this is not a contest but 50/50 custody means 50/50 effort. We just had her for the past 10 weeks and today you seem to think she would be better off with school with you. We can reevaluate at the end of the year based on how she is feeling.

We want to see her every weekend. You will continue to pay for her acting classes and we will take her. We will pick her up on Friday after school and drop her off Sunday early in time for her to do her homework and get ready for school.

She is welcome to come “steal” and be a “stealer” to take any of her things at anytime that she needs during the school weeks.

Reach out with any questions.

Husband and Husband’s New Wife

We really just gave up. The things the mom was doing at this point trying to prove that she could keep up with school and pass at her house too was just that, a competition. Our plan to help get some consistency into this kids life was shattered. It was so frustrating.

But we had found another therapist and our first intake meeings were scheduled for April 11th. Praise all that be, we were so hopeful for a way out of this mess. We all were having separate meetings with the therapist. Us with my stepdaughter, her mom, her alone, and with siblings her step Dad, everyone was on board. We worked out a payment structure that was affordable for all, and we all agreed this was the best foot forward.

We had the meeting with the therapist; the therapist confirmed that my stepdaughter was struggling with the new arrangement and that she needed to come back to our house. That she had suffered emotionally and was afraid of her stepdad. That is seemed like we have been able to navigate going outside of the custory orders of week on week off. But the issue at hand was that she had just gotten a kitten at her mother’s house. The therapist questioned us why that would be a problem and why can’t she have her pet, so we immediately said, of course, she can have her pet and agreed that she could bring it.

#coparenting #domesticviolenceinstepfamilies #notprotected #stepdaughter #strangulation #strangulationawareness #domesticviolence #stepmom #dad #family #communication

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