It was never about what was right for the kids, it was always about her time. Respect me, my week! I still feel it is strange when people say respect me. It just feels weird to hear it, I guess. If you have to ask to be respected, there is a problem right but this was not about respect this was about not seeing what your daughter needed. Not respecting her was the problem but this mom makes it all about her always. My time, respect me, my week, my daughter. All our efforts to co-parent with these people were ridiculous. Now today my step daughter is no longer in our lives. This woman has one and has completely destroyed our relationship with her. I think if we looked hard enough we would have seen this coming, reading back it is so obvious.
Date: September 11, 2012 1:05:43 PM PDT
Per our meeting, you said that if there were any changes that needed to be made that you would address them.
Here are some easy inaccuracies:
-The report says that the Dad has ADHD and this is not true, he was however diagnosed with Dyslexia in his teens
-The report also says that our daughter is fluent in French this is also nowhere close to reality, in fact, she has recently been told by her Mother who is fluent in French that the reason why she does not know french like her brothers is because she didn’t try hard enough to learn it from her.
If possible, please make these changes. We also feel very strongly that the ADHD / ADD diagnosis should be taken off. Knowing how you feel about making that change, we realize that it may be unrealistic but you should know that we have started with a therapist, and after the first session, the feedback that we have gotten from her was that she also does not feel she has ADHD or ADD. She has agreed that after a few more sessions, she will put this in writing, and it will go into her files to show such huge variances in diagnoses in the same time period essentially. It should be pointed out that she has started with this therapist after she had 5 consecutive weeks at our house and has not been going back and forth between the homes. We feel confident that we can all agree that just this little bit of consistency contributed. As you know, we feel so strongly that in the absence of the severe emotional stress and anxiety that any perceived idea of ADHD/ADD would fall the wayside and not even be a consideration. With that said, we would like you to make the diagnosis of ADHD/ADD off this report.
The purpose of our connecting with you was to determine if our daughter had a legitimate visual processing issue/dyslexia, and that has been determined. Thanks to your analysis, it was also identified through the temporary diagnosis that there is an Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and Depression, and as a result we are taking even more steps in the right direction immediately with the therapist. Great steps. Having ADHD/ADD on top of all these labels her and potentially puts her on a different path if the school has access to that information. Despite the results of tests, she is testing at grade level for the first time at the end of the third grade. Having an ADHD/ADD diagnosis at age 10 is premature. If, when she is 15, in high school and suddenly from this point on, she does not continue with the great progress, then maybe we can attribute it to ADHD/ADD.
Regardless, if it is not taken off now having a therapist right behind you saying she absolutely does not feel it is ADHD/ADD actually does exactly what you were trying to avoid, damage your creditability. So we are hopeful that you have a comfortable level with us that we are attentive parents that are 100% committed to helping our daughter get on the right track and that taking this diagnosis off will not be that big of deal.
Husband and His New Wife
Date: September 11, 2012 3:37:43 PM PDT
Subject: Re: diagnosis
I apologize for the inaccuracies in my history of your daughter. I have amended my report and omitted the information about any diagnosis of an attention disorder for you and also omitted information about her being fluent in French. I will mail you a new revised copy as soon as possible.
I am very happy to hear that she is benefitting from seeing a therapist. As we discussed, I think this is an important step in helping to diminish the tension which exists between the families and the stress which this causes your daughter.
I will not be amending the diagnosis. That diagnosis was determined from information from multiple sources, including her teachers, test data, and my own observations. It is possible that with changes occurring, her symptoms will diminish, and I hope that in fact, that happens. However, at the time I saw her, and based on those sources of data, my professional opinion is that the diagnosis is correct.
From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Date: November 9, 2012 12:12:10 PM PST
Subject: our daughter
i am asking you to respect my week and bring her back with her things I am monday after 330 . Husband’s Ex-Wife
On Nov 9, 2012, at 2:46 PM, Husband wrote:
I am asking you to stop saying one thing and doing another to your daughter.
She conferenced you into a call with Heather because she needed help to get you to understand that she does not feel comfortable at your house right now. You then have a private conversation with Heather, where you agree with her that you should not and cannot force her to come to you. You then call her back and tell her that it’s okay with you if she stays. Now you are emailing me and asking me to respect you? Despite your belief in a conspiracy theory that we are trying to brainwash her against you, you and your husband are single-handily doing that all on your own, and we are just cleaning up the pieces of her fragile self worth and esteem.
This is a repeated pattern of yours (crazy-making behavior), is damaging to our daughter, and it needs to stop.
She has already been told BY YOU that she can stay until Wednesday at 5 pm. I would suggest that if you would like to force her to come to your house on Monday, you handle it with her directly like you do everything else as you did with everything with our son too. This co-parenting thing with you doesn’t work, and there is absolutely zero chance of me telling our daughter that she now has to go to your house because you want me to respect your week.
Perhaps instead of telling Heather exactly what she wanted to hear last night and being fake you should have been authentic and spoke the truth in real-time that you don’t really care about how our daughter is feeling and the only thing you are focusing keeping the schedule that by the way doesn’t really work for our daughter which she continues to tell you and continue to ignore it which really just pusher her further and further away from you.
Your daughter is suffering and it’s because she is unhappy about how she is treated at your home not ours. She wants to stay with us; she is fragile right now from all this stress constantly on the verge of tears. We will always tell her she is welcome for as long as she wants to stay.
You will never see how your hate exposed to our kids pushed them away from you. It’s more important for you to focus on what’s good for our daughter right now and put your hate for me aside. This is becoming very stressful for her.