Co-Parenting Issues are Exhuasting

Was it wrong for us to give up? It was so complicated all the time. So much drama.

We decided to ignore the attorney tactic. I’ll be honest; we thought at the time it was ridiculous, and we still believe it is ridiculous. This attorney was a mutual friend of my husband and his ex-wife while they were married. The bottom line, he has no experience in helping families communicate better or resolve conflict. Frankly, their attempts to intimidate us failed. We felt his calling, and emailing was very intrusive and disruptive to our lives. We felt harassed.  

Legitimate issues were going on for both kids. Real problems. Issues with grades, issues with health. The issues they brought to the table were not issues but attempts to minimize financial responsibility. Bringing friends into it as she did here was a huge red flag that we also ignored. Little did we know that she would end up pulling what we thought were real friends to us into and turning them against us. We lost “friends” through this; we have people who we once celebrated life’s joys with that now think something awful of us. They believe a lie she told.  

I don’t know if we could have stopped losing these friends. They were not our friends, so the Universe was correcting us and saving us future misery and disappointment with non-authentic relationships. Funny, my mother and best friend never trusted these “friends”; neither were surprised when I revealed the betrayal. Very sad. 

From: Husband 

Date: Wed, May 25 2011 10:59:53 -0700

Subject: Our Daughter’s health issue. 

CC: Husband’s New Wife 

Husband’s Ex-Wife,

I need you to be aware that for the past three weeks when our daughter comes to my house she makes me aware of a rash. It’s being treated each week with rash cream and is gone by the end of her stay with me. 

Husband

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: May 25, 2011 3:11:37 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: RE: Our Daughter’s health issue.

 thank you for letting me know i wasnt aware of it..she didnt tell me..i will make sure to check when she comes here..wich cream are you using ?..

We stopped communicating for several months, summer came and went….

Subject: Thanksgiving

From: Husband

Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:36:53 -0700

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife; Husband’s Ex-Wife New Husband

Husband’s Ex-Wife-

Regarding your text about Thanksgiving I am not open to sharing this American Holiday. Just as you have had Saint Nicholas exclusively, I have Thanksgiving. The kids have grown accustom to this, there are traditions and memories that are now their own and I feel disrupting this rhythm is not in their best interest. I will pick up our daughter at 10am on Thanksgiving Day and drop her and our son off on Friday after Thanksgiving in the morning to spend the rest of the weekend at your house. 

Husband

Subject: Thanksgiving

From: Husband Ex-Wife

Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 4:38:53 -0700

To: Husband

wasnt expecting anything else of you..i want both kids to stay with me on thanks giving break the week of the 21 and they can return to you on thanksgiving…we have family in town like I said before and they will be gone from the 2 to 15 with you…ex-wife

Subject: Your share in supporting your kids

From: Husband

Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2012 08:14:34 -0800

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

You haven’t been sharing in the expenses for our son since he moved in with us. He needs clothes take him shopping. Our daughter needs clothes too so she can either bring clothes from your place or you can take her shopping too. But you guys have to start sharing costs more. It needs to be equal 50/50. Like it we originally agreed.

i will go get clothes with them but i want to correct the fact that i dont share cost 50% for the kids.i have provided several expenses for our son since he moved in with you and i still do..also i never asked you half of any activities or camp for jo..i agree that it should be equal..if you want we can meet and i can show you my share…ex-wife

Just so we are clear. Originally 50/50 meant that we each paid for what the children needed when they were with us. This works out fairly when the kids are with each of us 50/50.

Since summer of grade 10 our son is with us 100% (not 50/50) so we incur 100% of his living expenses. I am not saying that you are not paying for things but what you are not paying for is what any court would determine as child support which would include basic necessities like food. 

As a result of absorbing 100% of our sons living expenses since the summer of grade 10 we have come to a point where it is getting to be unfair and difficult to provide for all of his needs and as a result some of our daughter’s too. So I am asking for your help in supporting our children.

If you feel this is unfair to ask I am happy to follow the divorce decree and seek assistance from a mediator to help with sharing the expenses for the children. I look forward to working towards more of a 50/50 share in expenses. 

In regards to what you have paid for our daughter for camps etc you never actually included me in those decisions and they are not a necessity for our daughter’s basic needs as childcare during the summer is not a requirement due to your ability to be home with her and it is unfair to use that as a a reason to offset expenses for our son. 

Journal July Week 4 2012

When she came home from Portugal she was very upset. We were hesitant to let her go again after last year which resulted in her being very disappointed after she was promised to be signed up for a horse camp where she’ll learn more french and to ride horses. What happened was she was going to a ride a horse trail for an hour. She also talked of feeling left out of conversation and her mom not including her or explaining to her what was said. Some of the things she talked about was her brother gets loads of presents and her getting nothing.  

Date: Fri, 27 Jul 2012 12:37:36 -0700

Subject: Conference 

From: Pyschologist

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Hi Husband’s Ex-Wife,

I would like to schedule a time when you and your daughter’s dad can both be available to come in to discuss the testing results. These are some options I have free in the near future. Please forward this email to him and try to coordinate a time that would work for both families.

Tuesday, July 31st at 9 am or 1 pm

Wednesday August 1st at 9 am or 1 pm

Thursday, August 2nd at 9 am

Thanks,

Pyschologist 

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

Date: July 27, 2012 4:05:44 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: FW: Conference about our daughter

thursday august 2 , 9am works for me ..does it work for you ? let us know…thanks husband’s ex-wife

On Jul 29, 8:52AM, Husband’s Ex-Wife

hi , our daughter has a dentist apt to clean her teeth tomorrow at 4pm at children hospital building 28 phone number 858 492 9977… they already have her info and insurance car number.

From: Huband

Date: July 29, 2012 9:42:44 PM PDT

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Subject: Re: Dentist

You have to take her. You gave me no advance notice of the date and time. You can pick her up at 3pm. Our daughter would benefit greatly if you made a bigger effort to co-parent. This is not co-parenting as it is not respectful of our family’s schedule. 

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