The funny thing about this email exchange is that my husband did take these co-parenting classes, but not until after his ex-wife attacked me. He attended with my stepdaughter, her mother knew they were going but never took it upon herself to go as well. I never understood this.
This class was so beneficial; they had a stepparent support group that I attended. At the time, it was all so raw, I was so overwhelmed dealing with the physical trauma to my body. But I needed support, I need encouragement and perspective on what might be going on for my stepdaughter and how I can best support her even if just a little.
We also had our daughter, and I naively believed at the time that she was not as impacted because she was so young, and while this is true, she was and still is impacted by this horrific event that we were dragged through. She misses her relationship with her sister that has been so severely impacted by all this. It still is very much heartbreaking for us despite it being five years in this April.
This class helped us understand so much better how to support kids and get closer emotionally. We were validated for advocating for her feelings and strong desire to love both sides.
From: Friend acting as their attorney for free
Date: May 18, 2011 1:54:21 PM PDT
Subject: Co-Parenting Classes
In furtherance to my email to you yesterday, my client proposes you both attend “co-parenting” or “cooperative parenting” classes. These types of classes are specifically designed to deal with the problems divorced families have in shared custody situations. We believe this would be first step in resolving the issues you and my client have regarding the children.
Perhaps you are familiar with the concept. But, if not, “co-parenting” has been described as follows:
Cooperative Parenting focuses on the relationship between parents who are living apart, and are jointly raising their children. Parents may be divorced or never married but if they care about their children, they need to “build a sturdy bridge” between their two homes as their children grow and develop. The overarching goal is to protect and support children by teaching their parents (and other caregivers) information and skills to:
A) Reduce or eliminate conflict between parents.
B) Achieve emotional detachment and business-like rapport.
B) Establish or improve communication between parents.
C) Decrease reliance on family court for solving problems
and resolving disputes.
D) Encourage parents’ willingness to accept greater personal
responsibility for creating a good working alliance with the
E) Give parents practical ideas and skills for extinguishing
hostility and increasing cooperation between all the adults
in the life of the child.
There also programs under program known has “Kids First” in San Diego. And there are online programs.
Please let me know whether you are willing to participate in such program with my client. We think this could be an important first step getting back on the right track and offer it in the spirit of doing so.
Thank you for your consideration of the above. I also look forward to response to my prior email relating to custody.
Friend acting as their attorney for free
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Thursday, May 19, 2011 4:24 PM
Subject: divorce decree
Please advise your attorney that we are requesting all communication including but not limited to proposed formal changes to existing documents concerning the divorce decree and/or custody agreements be in written correspondence sent via your choice of courier.
I will continue to address issues concerning our shared children directly to you and if you feel there is any level of inappropriateness that compromises your current comfort level feel free to send it to Mr. Hocker.
Once received via written letter it might require us to seek our own legal counsel. Proper contemplation very well may take time so thank you for your patience.
From: Attorney we consulted
Date: May 20, 2011 at 8:28:52 AM HST
Subject: RE: Attn:
If you would like to retain us to be your attorney I can further help you, but it is not in your best interest to get a false sense of security from forwarding me this stuff without me being your lawyer. You should get a lawyer, regardless of if it’s me. I understand times are tough right now.
That said, I did look at the tape and it is disgusting. I did look at the page you sent me from the MSA and it does not mean what you think it means – it means that the dispute must go through FCS OR a mutually agreed upon mediator – but all court motions re custody go through FCS so the clause is meaningless. What about travel and notice – is that in the marital settlement agreement?
I can’t review anything more or give you any more legal advice right now because I have active cases that need my attention – but if you wish to have me handle this we can set up a client intake meeting… The most important thing, ethically, is that you understand that until you retain me I am not defending your interests, making deadlines, etc.
If you can’t afford an attorney you should get help from the family law facilitator’s office at the court, or stop by the court and find out when the next family law clinic is. Being your own attorney is work and responsibility. Good luck regardless of how you proceed.
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Sent: Tuesday, May 24, 2011 10:27 AM
Subject: Hocker aka “attorney”
Your attorney has called me despite my request to communicate exclusively through written correspondence due to his derogatory demeanor towards me. Apparently, his letter got returned to him. It would be my suggestion that he sends written communication through his choice of courier with a return/receipt to ensure timely and confirmed delivery. Perhaps there is an error in our address (__)
#domesticviolence #coparent #biomom #stepmom #strangulation #domestciviolenceawarenss #family #blendedfamily #lajolla #strangulationawareness #felony #stepparent #bully #metoo #1in4