What Happens at Mama’s stays at Mama’s

As soon as we started having real issues and wanting real answers to lead to solutions to help a child transition between homes better the wheels fell off this bus. None of the communication back had anything to do with actually seeing what was happening for my stepdaughter. All they would say is she is acting out for attention. This was only the start of the break down of communication. In fact the over reaction went as far to say there was no coming back from it. Absolutely crazy that this was the runway into me getting attacked, strangeled and almost getting murdered. Everyday I am grateful to be here to share this story becuase it is a common experience for women to get strangled in this country and many others. We do not know the signs, emergency responders are just being trained on this in the recent years.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

To: Husband

Sent: Friday, October 29, 2010 6:58 PM

Subject: (no subject)

im asking you to stop these serious accusations targeting our side of the family. there is no return from this between you and my new husband. something i wanted more than anything was to try even with our difference to preserve the kids from any tensions or for them to pick sides. i never gave my opinion on all our very inappropriate behavior in the past. there are many things you did that only you and i know and i never pointed the finger at you! you are the last person who should be lecturing about what is and what is not inappropriate or good for the family. you started this, and even after we told ou we understand your concerns, you insist. i am their mother and i would never let anybody harm the kids or act in any inappropriate ways. all this needs to stop. we will communicate maturely as mother and father about the kids and schedule and needs. it will never be exactly the same but we can try to be on the same page. we didnt do anything wrong!!! let’s keep her schedule the same i didnt see her for almost 3 weeks. i will pick up the kids on saturday at 11am.

Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2010 15:03:08 -0800

From: Husband

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

CC: Husband’s New Wife 

Subject: What happens in…

Ex-Wife and her new husband,

Our daughter shared with us that she’s been told she cannot speak about things that happen at our houses while at her other homes. When asked how this made her feel, she said it made her feel weird because she can’t tell about the fun things that happen. One cannot help but ask… why could she not be allowed to be completely open about her life with her parents while she is away from one at the others.

Specifically, she says that her stepdad tells her:

“what happens at Momma’s stays at Mommas and what happens over at your Papa’s house stays at your Papa’s”

How close to the truth is this? Our concern is the impact something like this has on her and that it’s unfair to make her feel stifled. It could be perceived as being secretive in her mind, which does not contribute to her emotional well being. 

Husband

Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2010 15:03:08 -0800

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

To: Husband

CC: Husband’s New Wife 

Subject: RE: What happens in…

i want to ask you to communicate with me about the kids true a web side called familyWizard.com not by emails or texts you should go got a text about the site.what we told her is not to not tell about what happens at both houses but we are telling her, that there are mamas house and rules and ways and then papas at his house…i will make sure to explain to her again. 

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

To: Husband 

Sent: 12/13/2010 10:36 AM

Subject: pick up time to change on the calendar

Message: 

big brother and i talk about a good time for me to pick him up on saturday was 10 30am…for christmass day i will pick them up at that time too .

From: Husband

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

Sent: 12/13/2010 11:02 AM

Subject: RE: pick up time to change on the calendar

Message: 

That’s fine.

But again you are going through our son to coordinate not through me or this website but a 16 year old.

In the future use this site or speak with before you make plans with the kids. 

From: @stellamarisacademy.org>

Date: Jan 23, 2011 7:39 AM

Subject: SST

To: Husband; Husband’s ex-wife>; 

Hi All,

Follow-up SST is scheduled for this Thursday, January 27th, at 7:15 AM, in the Third Grade classroom.

See you there!

Third Grade Teacher/Reading Specialist

Stella Maris Academy

7654 Herschel Ave.

La Jolla, CA 92037

From: Husband’s New Wife

To: Big Brother ; Husband

Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2011 7:18 AM

Subject: Your weekend with your mom…

Big Brother,

You need to speak to your mom regarding the below. She is feeling like she is getting two different stories. One from you that is completely different than the one from us when we communicate over the wizard. Please do your best to be consistent with what you say. See below. 

Love you,

Step Mom

From Husband’s Ex-Wife: 

funny how after big brother talks to you there is always something to keep him from having dinner with me or spend the weekend but wheni talk to him he tells me he misses us and really wants to come …its been 2weeks i didnt see him or have dinner becouse he is sick. if we dont respect his time with us and his sibling i will make sure thiat happens..i want to be able to care for himalso when is sick or needs help…you will not continue this.thedeal was icouldsee himi the week and every other weekend…hope fully he will feel good tomorow for the finals ..so respect our time together,,we need to pack his room and i want him to come to see the new place and get settle i can drive him back sunday and pick him up friday..he told me he wanted so i will call him tommorow..it s too long of a gap so the weekend sounds reasonable..

On Tue, 01/25/11 at 03:14 PM, Jonathan Clark wrote:

To: Husand’s Ex-Wife 

Subject: RE: we are moving to la jolla shores

Message: We talked with Big Brother and based on this crazy week of illnesses he would prefer to be able to rest more this weekend. That would mean you can plan on Monday Feb 7 for that week into the weekend so it coincides with our daughter being the there.

Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2011 14:57 -0800

From: Husband

To: Husband’s Ex Wife; Ex-Wife’s New Husband

Subject: RE: Wizard website

Ex-Wife and her new husband,

Since my ex-wife has decided not to respond to my emails through the Wizard site I see no reason to continue using it. I’ve canceled my side of the account. Instead I’ll be sending all communications via email to both of you.

Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2011 4:46:47 -0800

From:Husband’s Ex-Wife 

To: Husband

Subject: RE: Wizard website

i always respond to all emails regarding the kids schedule,school,and requests…this website is to communicate respectfully to each other..i will not answer anything insulting…sorry but will only communicate with you on that side..i will not answer your personal emails or texts..

From: Ex- Wife’s New Husband

Date: March 15, 2011 12:59:50 PM PDT

To: Big Brother 

Subject: Your sister 

Hey Big brother,

Check this out – http://www.dzineblog360.com/2011/03/exclusively-incredible-40-adobe-after-effects-tutorials/ – kool stuff!!

– Your sister ate some rotten lobster when we were at the beach on Sunday with the Horgans. I got a message from Tom after Shane told him this morning – (she never told us anything..) – Just want to make sure that she is fine and let you know so you can keep an eye on her – she had a rash on her legs and nausea…

Have a great week!! We’ll see you soon!!

From: Husband

To:Husband’s Ex-Wife; Ex-Wife’s New Husband

CC: Husband’s New Wife 

Sent: Wednesday, May 11, 2011 10:51 PM

Subject: Mothers day

Why does your new husband have to say things like that to our daughter! She can love whoever she wants, and he has no right to make any comments to her regarding what you and I previously agreed on for mothers day. She was so sad tonight because WHATEVER he said made her feel BAD for wanting to see her stepmom on her and her little sister’s first mothers day. Tell him if he doesn’t call me tomorrow I’ll be coming to his office to speak with him. Regardless of what he said, it made her feel VERY guilty for even wanting to spend time with her step mom on her first mothers day. Listen to how hurt your daughter is in this recording!! WTF “Stepdad,” what the hell is your problem??? Stop making our daughter feel bad for loving someone. This isn’t the first time, either!

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