Big Kiss-Your Husband’s Ex-Wife

I look back and cannot seem to figure out where I went wrong.

In our story, there is so much unsaid about the truth. With too much said that deflects from the facts. I had every intention of contributing positively to the lives of the children that were now before me because I fell in love with their Dad. I read back and see my efforts to collaborate and communicate. I think it is essential to see the truth.

Here is the beginning of exactly what was said between the woman that strangled me and myself. In court, she and her husband said all we ever did was harass them. Maybe through this process, more will reveal itself…

Date: Mon, 7 Dec 2009 16:04:23 -0800
From: Me
Subject: Fw: step daughter
To: Husband’s Ex Wife

Hi, My Husband’s Ex-Wife,
It was nice seeing you guys over the weekend thanks so much for including me. I enjoyed hanging out, the kids little brother is so much fun. How’s his little finger from the horse??

I thought maybe email would be good for schedules because I leave tomorrow for Minneapolis for work and can be a little hard to track down with meetings all day and travel.

Just so you know I leave tomorrow and return Thursday evening at 7:15pm. You mentioned a Holiday event in the evening on Thursday at school but wasn’t sure if it was this week or next? Hope it’s next because I would love to go. I will be taking a half day this Friday so I can get to school as soon as she is done.

Hope you’re enjoying this wonderful rainy Monday. Drive carefully! I spoke to the kids Dad this morning (his evening) and things are going well. It feels like forever already 😦
Talk to you soon!
Your husband’s new wife

Date: Mon, 8 Dec 2009 16:04:23 -0800
From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Subject: Fw: stepdaughter
To: Me

hello, its next thursday sow you are fine…i will send you all the info for next week…take care… ps it was nice having you there with us…

From: Husband’s Ex Wife
To: Me
Sent: Thu, December 10, 2009 7:58:44 PM
Subject: schedule for next week

hi, hope you had a great trip…here is next week schedule…
DAYS OF HOT LUNCH. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday…you don’t need to pack her a lunch…
MONDAY is hip op class at the rec center in la jolla from 5pm to 5 45pm…she needs to have a snack before and change in relax clothes and running shoes…also she needs water.

Thursday is the christmass pageant at school at 1 pm and 6pm she needs to bring her angle costume that day…i will put everything in a bag and ring it to the apt tomorrow….she needs to wear white running shoes with it, the ones for school…she needs that day to be picked up after school and have time to eat, change and rest it is a long day and night each year….ze and i will come to see the show at night and i will try to get seats next to each other, we will try to go a little early. the teacher will tell us when they need to be there at night in the class room to get ready before the show… i will let you know.

friday is denim day…she needs to wear something cute with jeans. let me know if i need to bring some..also on denim day she needs to bring one dollar at school to give to the poor.. i also got two little gifts for her buddies…she will explain to you. make sure she brings the gifts on Friday…there is a Christmas party in the class at 11am to 12..i will pick her up after school that day…its a lot of info but please don’t hesitate to call me…for anything…or questions…

each day she needs snack and water, on the day of no hot lunch she needs a lunch and a snack packed on her lunch box…

homework is everyday in the folders in her back pack, you must look for it..some spelling and math. she will have some this weekend too maybe??

I don’t know whats at your house for uniform, let me know if there is anything missing. I’m sending her to school tomorrow without lunch because you told me you can pick her up at 12:30PM. Friday is a half day.

Big brother needs a snack pack also everyday and make sure he eats a good breakfast…he has paid hot lunch at school…make sure he goes to be not after 10pm in the week and no internet after that time…now that i’m done with all the logistic i really hope you enjoy them and get to know them inside out. this will be really good for you to get used to them.

my number is 858.XXX.XXX despise what my ex husbads says that i don’t answer …i’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Date: Fri, 11 Dec 2009 11:01:10 -0800
From: Me
Subject: Re: schedule for next week
To: Husband’s Ex Wife

Hi Husband’s Ex Wife,
Thanks for this so very helpful. I had a super long week in the bitter cold! I am going to read through very carefully and let you know if I have any questions. I am so looking forward to spending time with these guys it will make me miss your ex husband less 🙂
Talk soon!

Your Husband’s New Wife

From: Husband’s Ex Wife
To: Me
Sent: Mon, December 14, 2009 1:29:45 PM
Subject: RE: schedule for next week

hope you had a good weekend with my babies….if you could go with her and get a little something more for her buddies it would be great also she needs to bring on friday a book for exchange gift in the class, i will let you now the value not expensive….
did everything go well???? i’m sure it kept you busy sow time goes faster…thank you for helping us…my daughter told me she slept with you that ok if dale was in the other room but i already talked about this to my ex husband…she needs to sleep in her own bed…we are working on this sow it would be great if you could do the same… or she can fall asleep in the big bed and then you can put her in hers??? little hard cause she is sow big…let me know if you need anything. big kiss your husband’s ex-wife

Date: Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:56:26 -0800
From: Me
Subject: Re: schedule for next week
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Hi there-
Thank you so much for letting them come stay with me. We are having a great time and it makes me feel so much better.

I was going to send you an email first thing this morning to check in but work was a bit crazy this morning after traveling all last week and I’ve only just realized it’s 3pm! So much for that plan. The kids are very special and I love spending time with them. Thanks for being so open I think this is quality both of them have absorbed and it makes them a joy to be around.

The weekend was lots of fun. With the rain we spent a lot of time inside but we did get a tree and decorated so there is lots of Holiday cheer in the house. We ate lots of good food, I love to cook and they love to eat so it’s mutually satisfying. Sunday we went for a long walk in the morning with Biggie to the water for some fresh air. I got stockings with glitter and glue for and we decorated them. We did lots of homework on Sunday. Very busy!

This weekend she slept in the big bed with me while big brother had friends over. Thanks for the heads up I can definitely get her to sleep in her own bed I hadn’t realized and your ex husband had not mentioned anything. I think maybe he thought it was special circumstances with him being gone because normally she’s in her bed. I can see how this could be problematic not having consistency between houses. We will have to discuss because they share a room there and it’s a bunk bed so your ex husband is the only one who can lift her up if she is sleeping. We can come up with a plan that works for everyone. Big brother will understand plus it will keep him off the computer at night. Win/win! I need to get a little tougher saying no on this one she wants to sleep with me (hard to resist she is so cuddly!) and big brother wants his room to himself so I get stuck in the middle but now that we’ve touched base we can get more consistent for sure. Thanks for letting me know what you are working on, I can help.

Okay so we need one more little gift and a book for Friday correct? No problem 😉 Just want to be clear so she is prepared.

I do have a question for you… she seems to come down with a really sore throat and talked in a “sick” voice all of sudden when her Papa called last night on Skype and then did the same thing with bigh brother. But when she’s alone with me like when I am reading to her before bed her voice is fine and she is no longer “sick”. She woke up this morning with a normal voice then switched to a sick mode quickly. When I dropped her off at school her voice was fine. Does she do anything like that with you? Wondering if you have any insight that can help me understand what she might need. Does she get sore throats all of sudden and lose her voice and here I am think it’s an attention thing?! I sure hope not. Seems behavioral to me but I want to make sure. She’s a very interesting little girl 🙂

Other than that all is good. I’ll leaving work at 4 today and should be in La Jolla at 4:15ish and get her ready for hip hop class. She didn’t seem very excited and said she didn’t want to go with I though was odd she loved it the last time I saw her after she came back. When I asked her why she said that there was a different teacher that wasn’t much fun.

Hope you guys are doing good my best to your new husband and toddler son. I like that we can talk and share, it helps me understand them better. Feel free to get in touch anytime. Oh and did your son ever call you back yesterday? When you called and she answered he was in the restroom and I did tell him to call you back just want to make sure he did 🙂
Talk soon!
Your Husband’s New Wife

#domesticviolence #strangulation #strangulationawareness #strangulationprevention #tbi #ptsd #stepmom #parentalienation #trauma #emdr #naturalhealing #thriver #standup #metoo


  1. Evolution of Self

    Since your attack how has it impact your life do you still keep reliving those moments of scheer torment over and over again . Trauma affects each person differently there are 3 responses you have Flight/Fight/Freeze

    No matter what your instinct of survival was ….The fact you still breathe air into your lungs and see the world surrounds you means your ALIVE and your Life matters.

    Never forget that !




    1. Strangled in La Jolla

      I did for a long time until I did EMDR then it improved. I remember many days for years I couldn’t walk outside alone and feel safe. The day I could walk with headphones on and get lost in music without the hyper focus on trying not to be attacked I will never forgot. It’s taken years for me to get to this point. 🙏👆🏻

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Evolution of Self

        I am glad the EMDR work for you to improve your quality Jolla but in extreme cases such as mine its not viable option. I am too unstable from my enduring and fighting for my will to survive . I was asked by psychotherapist if she should be afraid of me I told her ” I cannot promise you are safe ,and that I am very unpredictable . What I endured I am likely to be alive , have you look into CBD ? .

        Here is my story warn you though there are things in there very surreal.


        Yet after everything I am still here !




      2. Strangled in La Jolla

        Ahhh I see your dilemma yours is of childhood trauma which is very difficult to undo as your brain was forming. I’m so sorry you have had to endure such violence and abuse. I’m sure you’ve read it but Bessel Van Xee Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score really helped me understand my brain and body better post trauma.


      3. Evolution of Self

        Thanks it can vary from one person to another in my case through my writing and sharing my testament is like taking that massive weight confining my lungs to draw breath. Its like roller coaster effect , just when I think I am making progress nothing more then mirage. When others say your depress or need to blow off steam have absolutely no fucking idea what they are talking about there is no cure. And others tell you time heals everything is nothing but erosion of deception the truth is…time heals nothing. The storms we faced teach you to learn and endured . I am glad you were able to find resolution to help you cope and live life .

        I talked to others have said EDMR was effective for them but like I mention in extreme case as mine not so much . I have very few nights where I am not shredded with agony of tormenting night terrors because of mommy dearest.

        She tried to beat me into submission and shatter my existence into pure terror and gut wrenching fear.

        I am still here , I will never give in nor surrender to the storm …ever until my last breath is no more.


      4. Evolution of Self

        Thanks for understanding as someone that has endured . When I tried to reach for help someone I could trust like my mate did . I was told I was telling stories that night I was sure I would not be alive in the morning. I tried many times when my Father would be home from assignment . I was told if I said anything to him Mrs Hyde would kill me and no one would even care because I was nothing but a disgrace. Dr Jekyll was sick sadistic bitch that enjoyed watching Hyde have play time with me ! .

        The one thing I am grateful for is I was never seen as object of sexual obsession , just had Hyde’s rage projected at me because I look so much like my father. Like 9 yr old is going think why could you hate me so much.
        To be honest if that was the case I had to endured both forms of abuse I strongly believe it would have eradicated me .

        Thank you for continuous support Jolla



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