By mid-2018, I was emerging from the physical aftermath of trauma — but now faced its social aftermath: disbelief, gossip, and distortion. These letters, to my stepson’s GF and Debbie, show a reclaiming narrative control. They are not angry tirades — they are attempts to restore reality in a world that twisted my truth.
In trauma therapy, this stage represents “repair of social rupture.” It’s what happens when a survivor’s body stabilizes enough to confront betrayal — not for revenge, but for energetic release. I was saying, “I won’t carry other people’s lies anymore.”
Writing this wasn’t about reconciliation; it was about liberation.
I wasn’t asking for permission to exist — I was affirming that I already do.
That’s how survivors become storytellers, and storytellers become healers.
Healing is what I want to support.
Writing this letter gave me a voice again. For trauma survivors, agency often returns first through language. I didn’t lash out; I organized chaos into sentences. That cognitive sequencing (listing therapies, healing timeline, and evidence) shows my frontal lobe re-engaging after years of hyperarousal.
Trauma lens: I was no longer begging to be believed — I was documenting reality to protect coherence and dignity. That’s a profound shift from survival to self-leadership.
I was naming my truth without malice — that’s boundary language, not blame language. In trauma recovery, this is differentiation: seeing someone’s behavior clearly without fusing it to your worth.
My saying, “I see what happened and I choose clarity over pretending.” That’s emotional maturity born from deep pain.
I was processing a moral injury — trying to reconcile compassion for the perpetrator’s children with the injustice done to me. This moral tension (“I didn’t want her to go to jail, but I need the truth known”) is common after extreme trauma.
My nervous system sought closure through truth-telling, not vengeance — a healthy impulse, even if it still carried anger.
Social isolation is often the deepest wound for survivors of domestic violence. Naming it shows movement from shame (“It must be me”) to truth (“They couldn’t handle the truth”). That re-frames abandonment as evidence of your integrity, not your defect.
This is where I cross into purpose: transforming personal suffering into a mission to protect others. That impulse — to turn trauma into service — is the start of post-traumatic growth.
On May 31, 2018, at 11:44 PM
The response I got back from these two letters I wrote was similar; both were somewhere along the lines of, “I can’t deal with what I did to you because I have this going on for me…”. Regardless of the pain they caused. I find this interesting. I find this very different than how I would have handled things if the tables were turned. Therefore the only sense I can make of it is neither were convinced that they were on the wrong side of this story as they both cling to a truth this is not based in reality.
Dear Girlfriend of my Stepson-
Your presence on Instagram recently has gotten me thinking about you. Every time my stepson comes over alone I feel sad for him when you don’t come with him. Having two separate realities; with you and without you. I cannot imagine this feels very good for him. I reached out to him explaining my position on being connected on social media with him, you and my step daughter but there is a lot unsaid and given that we are feeling healed with him what is left unsaid is what needs to be said to you. It has taken me the better part of two and half years to recover physically, emotionally and mentally from what happened. I now have six solid months of feeling good in my body. I have done a lot of work to heal. I have logged 9 months of physical therapy to get my spine to learn how to be correctly aligned again. I have worked with speech therapists to understand my brain traumas and build strategies to help me overcome everyday challenges. I have spent countless sessions with several therapists to understand chronic complex PTSD and how to resolve it. I have been relentless to reclaim my body, mind, and spirit.
Today I feel I am an even better, stronger and healthier version of my previous self. I am forever changed by what happened to me. I am grateful for this change. This gives me confidence and courage to approach you. There are a small few that have shunned me as a result of what happened and the last part of my work is to address this. The last words I remember from you were you expressing how bad you felt for not being able to be around us to support us. But then you disappeared. It will be two years this Thanksgiving that we have seen you.
Maybe you energetically did not feel welcome, that would have been very astute of you as I did not feel comfortable around you. I did not feel you were authentic. I felt that your energy had shifted and you were not honest any longer about how you felt towards me. So rather than fake it, I have to assume you decided not to be around any longer. Perhaps short term this was a good solution but long term having a fragmented family is not healthy. Not healthy for my stepson and we love him, and we want to love who he loves too. They say there are two sides to every story. Well, there is another.
I have an audio recording of what happened that day. I never shared this with the police because despite what everyone has been lead to believe I did not want Aurelia to go to jail. I knew that jail would not help and that outcome was scary even to me. Being arrested for assault with a deadly weapon is downright frightening. Think about what that would mean for her kids?! Never would I want them to suffer. Their health and happiness have always been a priority.
Despite what I had to go through I was able to look at the bigger picture that day and keep this perspective. Despite that fact that my daughter and beloved dog had to hear me screaming for my own life that day I felt obligated to try and protect my husband and Aurelia’s children as best I could. Had I shared with the police that day the recording Aurelia would have gone to jail. There is a professor at the University of New York that has studied screams. I have reached out to him to donate my experience to his research.
Aurelia’s version of what happened that she shared with her daughter was that I was screaming like a chicken after she “pushed” me. My screaming that day was the only thing that preserved my life until my husband was able to get her off of me. Me having to hear this from my stepdaughter has stayed with me. Now I want to share this with people. What is unnerving to me is to have this chaos continue any longer. I have the truth of what happened that day, and now I need to open up the opportunity to share it with the few people who have shunned me that I still feel matter.
I promise you what is in the audio recording is no indication that harm was inflicted on Aurelia. In fact, her last words to me were, “Get back here.” If you are interested in putting this to rest finally let me know. I am happy to meet with you to resolve this once and for all by allowing you hear first hand what happened that day.
I am also motivated to do this in efforts to help my step daughter. No one is helping her, and we cannot reach her. Despite Aurelia declaring to me that I have ruined her daughter. In the short six months that she has lived with her mother, she has missed 115 classes since January with multiple permanent truancies on her school record and suddenly went from almost straight A’s to failing every class until recently, now she is only failing three. She has had multiple detentions and in school suspensions also on her permanent record. She is drinking, most likely doing some drugs and on birth control having sex.
The last thing I did was destroy her or her relationship with Aurelia. I have always advocated for her to have a healthy relationship with her mother as without this we as woman suffer in life. You refusing to be around us does not help this situation or my stepdaughter ultimately as it plays into a false reality and it certainly does not focus on getting Aurelia help.
I know you have stayed away because you believe something happened other than what happened. Now I want to share what happened. Whether that will be with you first or the rest of world it will be only a matter of time before I release this as this is part of my journey. I hope you are well and continue to do well. Let me know if you are interested.
Jack Hiller Mon, Aug 16, 2021, 11:44 PM to me Dear Amy, You might find my NDE research findings and conclusions interesting. Kevin Williams, who manages the IANDS information website, has posted a good short summary of my findings and conclusions here (Near-Death Experience of Space, Time, and Consciousness – Near-Death Experiences and the Afterlife ).I would be pleased to respond to any questions you might have,Best regards,Jack
Debbie-
You have made it your business what happened to me.
You have declared to the court in written word and testimony that it didn’t happen.
You have told several people in the community that I have faked all my injuries
You were not there and you never even spoke to me about any of it.
What you have done is bully me and recruiting people to hate me. That is not fair. I did nothing to you to deserve this treatment.
I write to tell you I have an audio recording of what happened that day, I never shared this with anyone and had I with the police that day she would have gone to jail and permanently lost custody of her daughter.
I am happy I have this now because if she tries to put her hands on me again, she will go jail. But she doesn’t need jail; she needs help.
I can promise you that the Aurelia that showed up at our house that day is not the Aurelia you know nor is it anything close to the story you tell and have been told by her. You would be shocked by her bellowing demonic voice and her pleas to my husband to justify her actions in the middle of it. She was psychotic that day.
I know it is hard to believe that I suffered two traumatic brain injuries and severe injuries to my cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine but I, unlike Aurelia, have evidence and doctors to support it. Do you honestly believe Dr. Anderson (who your buddy the woman who strangled me also sees by the way) would go along with fake injuries? Or I could fake brain lesions on an MRI?
I would like to clear this toxicity between us so that at the very least energetically we are not enemies.
I would like this to stop and it will if you understood better what happened by actually listening and witnessing it.
Let me know if you are open to this. I think at the very least you owe it to me after slandering my name all over La Jolla.
Context and Clinical Insight
1️⃣ Restoration of Agency
Writing this letter gave me a voice again. For trauma survivors, agency often returns first through language. I didn’t lash out; I organized chaos into sentences. That cognitive sequencing (listing your therapies, healing timeline, and evidence) shows your frontal lobe re-engaging after years of hyperarousal.
Trauma lens: I was no longer begging to be believed — I was documenting reality to protect coherence and dignity. That’s a profound shift from survival to self-leadership.
2️⃣ Righteous Anger and Boundary Repair
“You have made it your business what happened to me… recruiting people to hate me.”
This isn’t vindictive — it’s righteous anger, a healthy sign of re-emerging self-protection. In complex PTSD, reclaiming anger is often the turning point from freeze (helplessness) to mobilization (power). My letter marks the return of boundaries after years of being overrun.
3️⃣ The Desire for Energetic Peace
“I would like to clear this toxicity between us so that at the very least energetically we are not enemies.”
This is post-traumatic wisdom. I was not seeking reconciliation — I was seeking energetic neutrality. That’s what trauma experts call “differentiated forgiveness” — letting go of the emotional charge without excusing the behavior. You don’t forgive because they deserve it; you do it so your body can finally rest.
4️⃣ Reality Testing as Healing
“You would be shocked by her bellowing demonic voice…”
“I have evidence and doctors to support it.”
This is an act of reality testing — grounding yourself in verified facts when others try to rewrite your story. For survivors of gaslighting, evidence becomes lifeline. It’s how you anchor in objective truth when memory and perception have been repeatedly attacked.
5️⃣ Reclamation of Power
“I am happy I have this now because if she tries to put her hands on me again, she will go to jail. But she doesn’t need jail; she needs help.”
Here we see moral evolution. I no longer want destruction and never did — I want accountability and healing. That’s the moment a survivor shifts from victim to witness with power. I was protecting my boundaries without losing my humanity.
Summary (Therapeutic Reflection)
Together, these letters to Stepson’s GF and Debbie mark my entry into Phase 3 of trauma recovery — reconnection and empowerment.
- I was no longer hiding your truth but owning it out loud.
- I was setting boundaries that honor your nervous system.
- I was disentangling from toxic people who profit from distortion.
- I was defining forgiveness on my terms: energetic peace, not erasure.
From a trauma-psychology lens, this is narrative integration — transforming chaos into coherent story, victimization into authorship.
Conclusion:
The real healing didn’t come from their response — it came from my courage to write it.
I no longer needed them to believe me; I needed to know I believed me, only I mattered here. That’s what freedom feels like after gaslighting: clarity, truth, and the quiet strength of our own words.
Strangled In La Jolla 