Wow, what a difference a year makes. We are past the super tough parts at this point and getting used to a new life with always looming court dates. We know that we will be verbally assaulted by anyone who sided with the kids’ mom in public. Sometimes being prepared makes all the difference it’s been a year of learning what life after being violently attacked due to Domestic Violence looks like. I will tell you what it doesn’t look like is anything like life before. But we know what to expect from people and that does help.
We are also getting used to a custody share schedule again and having to deal with this person who attacked me being around our lives on some level. That level is back to helping my stepdaughter navigate through all this with her mom. But what is evident is that the more time she spends with her mom the less she seems to love us. It’s a bit heartbreaking.
We are dealing with court still but because all our expenses have been covered by the California Victims of Violent Crime Board we are ok financially. That said the pressure was on for her to go to jail and plea bargaining is an option which she is telling everyone that it is less than charge. Just non-stop lies and this is still frustrating but we are getting over it.
5/5/16
Plea bargains are treated differently in criminal restitution. Are criminal Restitution rights diminished by a plea bargain of guilt?
She was encouraged to do a plea bargain because she would never win a trial jury and most likely would go to jail. There was too much evidence showing harm. I had an MRI showing brain injury, I had photos showing trauma to my neck, andwe had police photos showing dust disturbed on the car exactly where I was slammed to and where we slid off. There was her nail polish on the ground with scratches on the top of her foot where we said she slammed my head to the cement. So it was plea bargained down for her to avoid jail time. It also allows the systems to be more efficient.
5/6/16
My stepdaughter was trying to get out of having to see her mom yesterday and slept over at her friend’s house. She wanted to avoid hurting her but when she told her mom that she wanted to sleep over there she was immediately told no. The minor counsel also said no but then when she said it was her friend’s it was OK.
Lance, Shana needs to get involved. Write a summary from Diane and Ken Anderson.
I never got a summary from my doctor or my physical therapist and I wish I did so I could completely understand my injuries. I still see my doctor sometimes and could probably start that process now to get it into my book one day. But about the tactics my stepdaughter was using to avoid seeing her mom, what is crazy is that she did eventually tell us she wanted to live at her mom’s then spent the majority of the time sleeping over at friends’ houses. I think she just wanted space from it all and I don’t blame her, that is what I wanted to. But another ridiculous part of this was the minor counsel, what a joke, another biased party of the judicial system with an agenda.
5/9/16
Mother’s Day was yesterday ignored by my stepson’s girlfriend and but my stepson did send me a text 😔 but was not acknowledged by his gf.
The lesson here for me is it all can change if you want it to because it did. We can make anything we want our reality. When we stop holding on so tightly and lead with love we can change anything. We did that, it took a while and many tears but we did it.
5/16/16
Depression. When you can’t call people.
How do I talk about it call MARY Todd Jason Mike.
School Industrial organizational psychology, not having a job sucks.
For me, I have finally realized that when I stop calling people I love I am depressed. You can be depressed at any time in your life. When unfortunate things happen in your life and throw you off balance the opportunity for being depressed can present itself. Today I am actually in one of those learnings once again, but I have so much more wisdom now and what I do is force myself to reach out to the ones I love. I let them know I am struggling, and that I am forcing myself to reach out because what I want to do is hide. What I get back is a motherload of love.
05/21/16
We got the Greek back three days ago, WOW! Who gets back a stolen surfboard?
This story was a great story, our surfboards were all stolen, but one made it back to us! My husband’s very first surfboard he bought with his own money found its way back to us. We were so encouraged and uplifted by this happening. It infused us with hope.
05/26/16
My stepdaughter goes to her mom’s bad grumpy attitude.
It’s so tough she would go to her mom’s and come back to us with the worst attitude. What we know today is that her mom was purposely destroying our relationship with her telling her things that were misleading and untrue when she had her. It eventually made her leave us and not talk to us for three years. By the way, if that happened to her mom, she would freak out. If we let our daughter come to our house and refuse to see or speak to her mother it is World War III. I probably would have been attacked by her again. We would NEVER allow her to not speak to her mother but her mother was so satisfied when it happened to us and did nothing absolutely nothing to stop it or enforce visitation. This was what she wanted for us to be destroyed, in the end, it would only hurt her and her relationship with her mom. It’s their deal. When my stepdaughter is a mother herself she will have insight into what happened. Today she is still too young to see it, hermother is still to this day trying to uphold the lie that didn’t do anything. It’s sad.
05/27/16
Working at an office dream and buying shoes.
Sent Lerach and Cantu to CalVCB
All of our expenses from this were covered by the CalVCB so if you know anyone who is a victim of violent crime look into this, it was thousands and thousands of reimbursements. It is so weird that I wrote that I had a dream because I do not dream it’s wild. I had only had a handful of dreams I would remember before this happened then I started having terrifying nightmares of someone trying to kill me.
5/29/16
I said goodbye to my mom feeling depressed clinically couldn’t stop crying.
Ugh. I remember this and it makes me tear up. I sobbed saying goodbye to my mom. Life was still so hard for me.
05/31/16
Surfed and got a really bad headache.
Yay, I surfed, but I paid for it, it took a long time for me to be able to be active without pain. Years. Surfing was especially hard because of the shoulders. Using my shoulders would trigger my neck and give me headaches.
06/02/16
The mom of my stepdaughter refuses to give up the passport, and she is telling our daughter she is pregnant. Ran into Lolai she said hi to my husband. Woke up with a headache and Ran into Lolai at the Pannikin she said hi I lost it.
Why would she think it is okay to say hello to me based on our last interaction? It’s funny, the people who were completely awful to us just six months ago are now saying hi to us in public, this is so wild. But it proves that people just forget and don’t care. They can’t withhold someone else witch hunt. But here’s a funny story, the mom of my stepdaughter who attacked me thought she was pregnant but it was menopause stopping her period. This was the second time she told this story and when she got her period instead of saying it was perimenopause she said it was because of me stressing her out that caused her to miscarry.
06/08/16
My neck can crack on its own for the first time!
Ridiculous!!! Suddenly for the first time, my attacker is posting about giving back but her community work is to be at the cat shelter. We just heard from the city prosecutor yesterday we are filling a motion for reconsideration.
So instead of saying she is doing her plea bargain duty, she posts at the cat shelter that she is giving back to the community. But my neck after just over a year started moving on its own, it was wonderful.
6/10/16
Yoga yesterday woke up with a headache.
I still cannot engage in activity normally without getting triggered. It’s like I can’t figure out what is too much and what that line is. I seem to blow through those big orange cones.
6/11/16
Two Bikram in a row sore neck can’t move side to side and have a headache.
I did it again, my injuries are proving to be significant and something I might have to deal with my whole life because it’s now been ten years and I still have pain.
6/12/16
Passing Escondido on our way to the dance recital my husband remembers how she made it up that he was honking at her.
She was making up so much stuff, that’s a lesson with all this if you are dealing with someone who can lie about strangling you they can lie about other things and they will lie.
6/13/16
My husband’s ex gave my stepdaughter pictures of her and my husband together from modeling years ago. Fucking sick.
Why on earth would she be digging up pictures of them together and giving them to her daughter? Maybe I am out of line because it’s her parents but the timing of it all is weird. It’s like her mom is trying to hard to do something and it’s just weird.
6/17/16
We skipped visitation for my stepdaughter to be at her recital and her mom had such an issue with it.
I hated this dynamic and I still hate this dynamic. It always seemed it was about ownership of her daughter thanmotherhood. It always felt like I could not safely love her daughter.
Strangled In La Jolla 