I am a survivor of non-fatal strangulation. I am one of many. I find this very disturbing. My injuries are complex and very much misunderstood. This means many of us do not get the care we need to get our lives back.
I am purging the journal I kept through it all, meaning our family trauma. I hope to write an inspiring story and believe the process of this is a big part of healing. There was a chiropractor I saw through this all that was amazing. If my husband and I went he saw the kids for free, he was such a support of our family. He was amazing at helping me understand what happened to my body from strangulation. I remember him telling me I wanted to write a book about this experience he said, “Make it an inspiring one”. I don’t feel inspired yet as I am not fully processed. But I know the purpose of all this will crystalize.
At this point we were 4 months post the assault with a deadly weapon and Domestic violence. There is a lot of therapy and reunification therapy that the parent who committed the violence needs to do to salvage the relationship and because it is so damaging for kids to not have relationships with their parents everyone worked hard to make that happen.
August 26, Wednesday
We had Dr. Volcani today. I feel like those conversations go nowhere at first. I do not connect with him although he is a very nice man. Saying comments like I am not your joint therapist but the relationship is his concern or his client. How they relate. The problem is her mom can fake it pretty good and Jo can fake it too. I see this all unraveling into the same space but thankfully when that happens hopefully there will be protective orders in place because if I ever have to have direct contact with her again it will be too soon. How do you face the person that did that to you? See them, interact with them? It’s your worst horror story come true and you can never escape. Sage will be connected forever to this. I feel so irresponsible. Work is an amazing distraction. The charge around this is lessening for everyone. But it is no less profound for me. I will be the last one standing because I am not sure I can ever escape it. Got to have lunch with Deb, Colleen, and Susan today. Debbie reminded me about how she told me that I had to go through this for my stepdaughter to get the help she needed. I saved her, this happening gives her a chance to get out of the muck between the homes. Jo came home from visitation feeling very happy about her mom, it should make us happy under normal circumstances but it seems like she is just brushing everything under the carpet. Just talked to the Kids Turn Step Parent Class I went it was not very helpful.
August 27, Thursday
We are starting to just get angry a lot of the time. It is really hard to move forward when we still have a lot of contact.
Saturday, September 5
The girlfriend of my stepson is making contact with us about wanting to see our daughter. So weird.
Sunday, September 6
My husband went to his son’s apartment and talked.
Tuesday, September 8
It’s impossible for me not to get upset when I talk about this. I talked about it with my friend ugh.
Wednesday, September 9
We found my stepson a therapist. My head was buzzing pretty much all day long. Work stresses my brain pretty badly. My neck though is feeling a lot better.
Thursday, September 10
12:33 Shhhh listen quietly and you will hear it. Self Worth had the session with Lydia and then today a conversation with Branden about being someone inspirational and how he wants to stay close to my motivating energy. I continue to ask myself why am I here….Lydia’s language is a spiritual teacher. Why did this happen to me? What am I supposed to do with it? Why was it me? Was I supposed to do something with it?
Sunday, September 19
I find myself falling asleep to the visual of my neck being grabbed. I think about it probably all the time but I tell myself that I don’t. I end up getting shot with other people. Getting overly excited maybe. Or is that just a part of me that is left over? The constantly editing part, not necessarily trying to change. The restitution hearing is coming up. Our reality right now (that I typed out the wrong words) is that we are fabricating the entire thing. We set it up to finally win custody of my stepdaughter. That we cornered Aurelia so that my husband could attack her, then he inflicted the injuries on me, or that I don’t have any injuries and wasn’t involved. Then Aurelia enlists Debbie Beacham’s help and convinces her son and his girlfriend and all of her friends and the school that we did this to her so everyone instantly thinks that there are two sides to every story and that because of that our story is not necessarily 100% true. I wonder how quickly that strategy comes to mind after you attack someone. Did she come up with it on the drive back to her house? Yes, because that is what she told the Police. What she is doing is confusing.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Court this morning. We are going to trial. I am at the doctor my head hurts, but at least the ringing in my ears stopped for right now. We are told they are bringing witnesses to the trial for the restitution. It’s maddening how this happens. Seriously like a horror story, I feel like I am living someone else’s life. I am getting my period every 19 days, my whole system is just tweaked. Is this what happens to people when they go through a major shock in life? My hair has turned so white from this all. We talked to Deputy Diane at the court house she was so nice. She let us know that this is basically what people do in the criminal / family court world. Lies, deceit people are evil Kaitlan says she has seen it all. How sad that there is an entire side of the human population that is just plain lacking a conscious. I wonder if Aurelia has told anyone the truth of what happened. I realize that everything she is doing is only for self-preservation perhaps if I thought my life was threatened now the way hers was I might be doing the same so that there is something left to give to my children. Probably not. If I did this to someone I would have a hard time looking myself in the mirror. But I physically could not do this to someone unless they were way smaller than I was then I would be doing it to a child which is just weird to even think about. I am still nauseous all the time and my head burns to be out in the daylight is stressful on my eyes and usually causes a headache. How does one’s body recover from this stress pure shock and system? Do people just limp along in their daily activities? My life lacks joy. But this morning my daughter took my hand and kissed it. What a love she is. I want to get out of the doctor’s office to go pick her up!!!! Hurry doctor I want to see my love.
It’s late we are in bed, I am working. My stepson just called and told my husband he has made his doctor’s appointment for therapy. He asked if my husband would go with him. It feels like it is good but I feel like it’s going to be hard on my husband to work through this with his son. Maybe he does believe that his sister is lying, but that is only because he sees she still has a child instead of the young woman that she is becoming. He knew her best when they were both little but now he is big. Still relating to your siblings in that way I feel is normal. With such a gap between them, my stepson was off living his life as he should but while he was not there his little sister was getting hurt and scared by her stepdad and her mom not doing anything about it. My husband was listening to old voice memos on our stepdaughter’s phone and there are memos she is leaving for herself to remind her to talk to Jean about the nightmares she is having about her stepdad.
Wow! Well, I am noticing a difference in my language, I am sounding way more coherent. It took about five months to start thinking clearly after this attack. I feel more like myself. There was still so much trauma processing. Breaks my heart to know to revisit the depth of this cut with the kids.
I think I can confidently say to anyone that strangulation happens that it will be a good six months before you can evaluate the impact on your life. It is a scary, life-changing injury. You are wounded in your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and energetic bodies. What is more, injuring is going through court and having people tell you you are faking it and making it up. Your doctors do not comprehend what happened to you. You are better off saying you were in a high-speed car crash. It’s the same injury.
My biggest mistake was revealing exactly what happened to my doctor. Another big mistake is not having a doctor who knew me well. My other big mistake is not saying I peed when I did, this is the biggest sign that you are close to dying during strangulation. I was so embarrassed. Not going to the hospital, trying to be strong and fake nothing happened to keep it more “normal” for my stepdaughter. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know. Not going to court, what a freaking waste of time and money and stress.
A parent who commits domestic violence is sick. They don’t give a shit, which means they won’t give a shit about court orders so honestly just do what you want. The person who strangled me and nearly killed me got to pet cats for her sentencing. DO NOT BE NAIVE, THERE IS NOT JUSTICE. Protect yourself and your sanity disengage and move on.
The woman who strangled me still owes us money from family court, thousands of dollars. There are ZERO CONSEQUENCES unless you have the money to enforce in court, again waste of time just move on. As fast as you can.
Strangled In La Jolla 