It’s been a while since I have purged more of this event from my life. I knew my life would never be the same after but I had no idea what that meant. For real. Life today is similar to how it was before. I am back at my amazing job slaying books, one of my passions. I love big business and data. It’s been five years since I took my old job back. I haven’t shared any of my life really through this but it’s not until now almost a decade later that I have the capacity to do so.
It’s surreal to have this perspective. We do heal. We won’t be the same but we do heal. But before we go there I must continue to uncover every stone of this story. I hope to write a book one day that can be read and intend for it to be helpful to other families that experience Domestic Violence. If you are just coming on I have been writing about this bit by bit. Slowly for the last four years and four months, this has been part of my healing journey. To speak up. Strangulation energetically impacts your ability to advocate and speak up for yourself. It’s the most violent tactic used to silence someone.
Something is healing in methodically going through this word by word. Each time I write a little a little more is released. More of the toxicity this woman left on our doorstep the day she decided to strangle me leaves our aura. Every word I write plugs another hole in the foundation of our family that was shattered. I can see so clearly now reading these after 8 years. She was so insanely jealous of me and insecure in her relationship with her daughter. I still don’t understand it but if it were me I know for sure that no one or thing could ever destroy the relationship with my daughter. This is now. I will never feel threatened by anyone in regard to the relationship with my daughter.
However, if I did perhaps I would act as she did, but there was no real threat so why did she think there was? I know I will never know and my heart just continues to go out to the millions of families that experience Domestic Violence. It is an evil thing to be violent to a family or within a family and especially in front of our children. We had no idea of the long-term damage.
This is the last of this declaration to the court on 7/7/15! I feel graduated.
I should state that my husband’s ex was arrested and convicted criminally for strangling me. Being a first offense and that there was a plea bargain she got probation and avoided doing time. They made a bunch of red tape for her and issued emergency protection orders. All our medical was paid for by the Victims of Violent Crime Compensation Board of California. Step Family are not protected parties under the Domestic Violence Laws in California so this strangulation was not punishable as a felony.
PG. 10
Line 52
Although Father had always largely disregarded my input when it came to parenting, he stopped listening to my input at all, started dictating what was going to happen, and starting making unilateral decisions regarding our daughter’s upbringing. Fathers allows AMY to dictate the terms of my relationship with our daughter and AMY is successfully undermining and destroying my relationship with our daughter.
Reality:
She talks about co-parenting as if it’s an active live thing. We really did not interact with her ever live and maybe weekly on emails. I’ve released all the emails to the universe so perhaps I could be proven wrong but she did not have a lot of input on parenting for us to disregard anything. She says things like “allows Amy to dictate” the terms of her relationship with her daughter. AMY successfully undermines and is destroying her relationship. Wow. Exaggerate much? No wonder the judge saw through this, it’s almost laughable now I am glad I am at the end. You know what they say? “Everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay it’s not the end” -John Lennon. At the time, it was infuriating but we realize now we just got tangled up in her web. Unfortunately for some exes and co-parenting circumstances are like touching a spider web. Do not touch the spiderweb!
Line 53
Father began unilaterally disregarding the court-ordered visitation schedule and reducing my time. When I “dared” question him. Father told me to “call the police”, however, because I did not want to traumatize our daughter, I did not do so, which I now regret.
Reality:
We worked with three different therapists over the years when our daughter was a minor and there was shared custody. Every therapist recommended longer stays with her Dad and therapy for her and her mom. It’s just lies and how she tries to paint him is defamation. If you were to ask her if she was a weak woman and got bullied by her ex she most certainly would say no. But to the courts she plays the victim. Don’t be fooled by these tactics and don’t let them get you touching that spiderweb. It’s a trap to keep you in the craziness.
Line 54
Father and AMY are paranoid and overprotective to the point of being histrionic. Despite the fact Father and I had always vaccinated our daughter since birth, and that Father had never previously voiced any concerns, after meeting Amy, Father suddenly told me he would not agree to vaccinate our daughter. Our daughter needs shots to go into 7th grade, but Father has told her that if I take her to the doctor, she must not let me have her vaccinated. Our daughter is now scared of getting vaccines, due to Father and Amy’s inappropriate scare tactics.
Reality:
The deflection tactics used to get the attention away from the fact that she strangled someone with her daughter present partially exposed to it just sad. Owning the behavior apologizing for it is what her chidlren deserve. Calling us names, criticizing us to the courts was a bad move on their part. They should have sayed on the high ground she would have been more believeable.
Line 55
Amy also told our daughter that a body lotion I gave her will give her cancer and she returned the lotion to me. AMY is causing our daughter to be afraid of things a child should not be worrying about.
Reality:
There are toxic chemicals in some lotions and we need to all be aware of what we put on our bodies, in our mouths and the thoughts we hold in our minds. Move away from toxic and towards nuture. That is our basic instincts. This is exactly what our daughter was doing. Just wanting to be in a space she felt safe. She had two choices. She often choose her Dad. Until she was older and wanted unlimited freedom. She could sleepover anywhere as long as it wasn’t at a boys house so she was always gone once she decided to be at her moms at 15. We missed her alot, good news she’s fully back in our lives and things are good again. We do heal.
Line 56
Father and AMY also criticize the foods I feed our daughter. My husband and I eat a Mediterranean diet, full of fish, vegetables, olive oil, and other healthy foods; however, we do occasionally eat croissants and other European items. Amy tells me I feed our daughter too much sugar, which is not true. Amy is obsessed with health foods, to the extent that she is, once again, causing our daughter to have a very unhealthy outlook on food and diet. Our daughter is only twelve (12), but she talks a lot about calories and food and is stressed about the subject. I fully support, and provide a balanced, healthy diet, but I do not believe it is appropriate to terrify a child into believing that everything she eats will harm her and is becoming fixated on food.
Realtiy:
Countless times she’d come to our house and tell us what she ate and we wouuld spend the first few days with eradict behavior from being a sugar high for the last week. What’s funny is I have never counted calories. Our daughter was on a diet when she came back into our ilves putting all her food in her phone, kettle black. Her mother recommended she count all her calories as such. Often what people say about others is just their own projecting of themselves. Our daughter has no body issues and no issues with food and neve has.
Line 57
I was concerned when AMY took our daughter, when she was 11, to a hot yoga class, without my consent. When our daughter came home she was exhausted. I do not believe that exercising in a hot environment, forcing a child to sweat so much, is good for their health.
Reality:
I didn’t take her once, she went 11 consecutive days with me and experienced what a relaxed body felt like. She stopped biting her nails after, she slept better, she was smiling huge after every class. She felt accomplished. She likes to go to this day given the chance and she is proud that she did it.
Line 58
Father also unilaterally removed our daughter from Catholic school and enrolled her in public school without my consent. Our daughter was in Catholic school from Kindergarten through second grade. However, Father and AMY decided our daughter should be in public school and enrolled her there without even discussing it with me, despite our joint custody. Our daughter did far worse in public school for the first two years, as she was not put in the Seminar classes for which she was qualified. It was only when she was finally enrolled in Seminar classes that her grades began improving once again.
Reality:
We have the mother’s signature on IEP paperwork during the transition from Catholic school. Our daughter was not yet diagnosed wiht dyslexia, the Catholic school didn’t have the resources to asses her or the resources support her once assessed. We all were in the multiple meetings together. She’s either lying or delusional.
Line 59
Father had expressed a desire to start homeschooling our daughter prior to the April 12, 2015 incident, but I had objected. Homeschooling is not in our daughter’s best interests as she is dyslexic and is in advanced Seminar class. However, Father ended up getting his way. Father used the April 12, 2015 incident to keep her out of school from April 12, 2015, until just one week before school let out. Father claimed our daughter was “afraid” to return to school, although I am informed and believe that upon her return to school, our daughter appeared to be very happy and showed no signs of the anxiety that Father claims.
Reality:
Our daughter asked to be homeschooled and it never happened. She was traumaztized after her mother came to our house that day and attacked me. She has seperation anxiety if away from her Dad. She had a pyschologist note and did home study for two weeks. Once she decided to live with her mother at 15 she homeschooled with a charter for High School. But here we are accused and criticized for it? Really? Laughable, I love that I have perspective now!
Line 60
Father and AMY have consistently failed to keep me apprised of decisions and information relating to our daughter’s health, education, and well-being, even when we shared joint legal custody. The exception being medical appointments. Father always had an excuse as to why he could not attend and ultimately claimed it was my responsibility. Father excludes me from our daughter’s life as much as possible and does not care about his violation of Court orders.
Reality:
We over communicated always. She always included and it was quite the opposite. We would find out from our daughter she was taken to the hospital for broken bones when she returned to our house after being with her mom.
Line 61
Father scheduled our daughter’s IEP meeting without consulting or informing me of the same, so I had to schedule a separate, very short meeting with the school staff. One IEP meeting Father and I did attend together, AMY walked all over me, telling the school what she and Father thought should occur, as usual, without even consulting me. The school indicated our daughter was hyperactive and suggested medications, which AMY immediately refused.
Reality:
We pretty much always had seperate IEP meetings and both parties were comfortable with this and the school is used to it. She was just annoyed we didn’t manage all of it when scheduling ours. Or we were totally on top of our daughter’s education and had meetings before she did. It was always a competetion with her.
Line 62
Father and AMY have both texted and emailed me for many years, harassing me and telling me what a bad mother I am. Right up until the April 12 2015 incident, Father called and texted me, insulting me and criticizing my parenting in particular. Father frequently hung up on me during phone calls.
Reality:
He did hang up that’s true, but trust me you would too. Harrassng that’s a stretch.
Line 63
Both Father’s and AMY’s emails are very sarcastic, condescending, and demanding. AMY has accused me of “neglect”, they both frequent curse and insult me, telling me to “fuck off” and calling me “nuts’, “fucking stupid”, “full of shit” or saying I have rocks in my head. They even mock me for my spelling, when English is my second language. They also blame us for everything that happens to our daughter, including the fact that she got hari lice.
Reality:
Lice for six months, do I need to say more? Oh and the mother and her son got it too, the step dad is bald otherwise he’s have it too. Our house did not get it.
Line 64
However, even more than Father’s refusal to co-parent, is the fact that Father is actively trying to exclude me and my husband from our daughter’s life. Our daughter’s only problem with my husband is that he has a loud voice when disciplining her. After our daughter said she was upset by my husband, we went to conjoint therapy and the therapist recommended I take responsibility for disciplining her which I did. Our daughter exhibits no fear of my or my husband and they have a good relationship, often playing and laughing together in the pool. My husband remains willing to attend therapy to improve his relationship with our daughter. Our daughter complains about my husband to her Father to get attention and because her Father encourages such conduct, not because she is afraid of my husband.
Reality:
All therapists pointed to this as an issue for our daughter her step dad’s loud voice and severe disciplining tactics that were inappropiate for a young child.
Line 65
Father has wanted me out of our daughter’s life for some time and has threatened more than once to “get rid” of me. Father has told me he will tell the judge that I’m crazy, that he will take our daughter, and that he will tell the judge I abuse our daughter – none of which is true. I believe Father’s recent efforts to have me imprisoned reflect his efforts to make good on those threats – even more since I learned from my criminal attorney that Father and AMY have both been harassing the City Attorney, demanding that I receive jail time, which I did not. Everything is a game that Father must “win”, no matter what the cost, as shown by his false allegations.
Reality:
She put in quotes “get rid” of me in a declaration to the court, was she trying to say that someone was trying to murder her? Oh like she did me? Odd. Again mirror images. What we say about others is what is a reality inside of us.
Line 66
Based on the foregoing, I respectfully request that this Court deny Father’s motion to modify custody and visitation orders and to reinstate joint legal and physical custody.
Reality:
We didn’t try and change custody that’s the funny part, we just wanted a changed schedule put in place that the mother would not adhere to so in order to change it we had to go to court becuase what we were doing erupted in violence.
I hereby declare under penalty of perjury the laws of the State of California that the foregoing is true and correct. Executed this 7th day of July 2015, in the City of San Diego, CA.
Perjury means lying….
Strangled In La Jolla 