“I lashed out and choked her” – Aurelia valago

Whoa. A lot was going on these days.

We were just returning from our Hawaii trip. It was a trip that was planned six months prior, and we decided to go because it was all paid for, and nothing felt better than getting as far away from the woman who just tried to kill me. So we went.

This entire time we had to tell my stepdaughter to keep her calm that she could see her Mom on her schedule. The courts felt differently and forced supervised visitation. We did not tell her until we go home. She forgets all of this today, but at the time, she hated us for it.

The awful thing that happened was what the supervisor of the visitation told us that the bio mom said on the very first visit. Now, remember this was before the criminal case closed, so you would think it had some weight, but it didn’t court is ridiculous. So not about what is just.

The Mom said to the supervisor that she lashed out and choked me because you thought I was going to hurt her. She is 6FT 190LBS 70% larger than I am, and she said in court multiple times she was not afraid of me. Really you lash out and choke someone? How often has that ever happened to you? Me, never. Never have I lashed out and choked or tried to murder someone.

Suppose you are this close to the edge in life. If something can set you off to the point of trying to kill a person, there is something seriously off with your mental stability, NOT NORMAL!

Now imagine you’ve done this, then you lie about it. Not sure why this shocks me, but it does; that’s me, the eternal optimist every time. To make matters worse, she then went on to destroy all the important bonds we had with her kids.

It’s all so sad because, in the end, it’s her kids that lose out. Her kids will never have a family united behind them. We will always be fragmented as long as she chooses to live in denial about the risk she put them in.

5/7/15 Thursday
I was dealing with the school more exploring home hospital options with the district. Also, with the ex parte hearing for pushing out the custody hearing. My husband continues to have back issues and stomach issues that he won’t see a doctor about. We spoke with the attorney, and we need to do the intake. Going home today, today was a little better day. I got to spend some time with my Mom.

05/08/15 Friday
Brutal day, our flight was late we missed our appointment with Dr. Shannon. Stepdaughter had to go to the doctor and talk about her Mom. She then had diarrhea for hours. All I can think about is telling her that she has to see her Mom soon and that we have kept it from her. She will hate us. As soon as we got back from Hawaii, we got in touch with best friend’s Mom to schedule a playdate.

5/09/15 Saturday
My step-daugther had asked if we could see Dr. Yodder last night, so I sent him a text. It was a lot to take in for him, but we were all seen, and it helped us all. She has a lot of homework, and her friend can come over tomorrow.

5/10/15 Sunday
It’s Mother’s Day, all I can think about is telling my stepdaughter, she won’t realize it is Mother’s Day on her own yet. So I can’t really eat. My head still hurts, I still feel like I just hit my head. My throat continually feels sore and sounds hoarse. I have headaches every day. It’s hard to breathe sometimes, and my chest hurts. We see Shannon 3-5pm. We spend the entire time about her having to see her Mom. It doesn’t go well; we are setting her up to feel empowered or completely let down. She felt betrayed for sure, just like I thought she would. My husband went in halfway through it, and that seemed to get her fire back. I am not so good with lighting her fire because how I see it; she’s pretty freaking lite up, so why do we need to continue to stoke the fire. Why can’t we let it just at least get to a simmer almost out or something? Is it necessary to do this? Stepdaughter had diarrhea again and was up until 1:30 am crying when my husband checked on them. She is stressed.

There was supervised visitation that happened and these were the text messages from the supervior:

Monica Konia ABC Supervised Visitation [+1 (858) 395-8XXX
2015-05-11 22:15:19 in Apparently mother is chomping at the bit to defend herself to stepdaughter. Her excuse is that she was provoked. Her narrative is that Husband’s new wife said that she was going to hurt her. So she lashed out in self-defense by choking her.

5/11/15 Monday
We spoke with Monika today and she wants to speak with my stepdaughter. She cannot believe that they are allowing a visitation at this time. Bio-mom seems to think this is about her side of the story versus our side of the story. What she doesn’t realize is that the psychologist has all the communications essentially less a few texts messages regarding scheduling and maybe the last test message where I had enough and we came up with a new plan to lessen the constant stress from the blatant neglect for stepdaughter emotional stability. The responsibility needed for stepdaughter to heal from everything is a lot of support. She has special needs at home that require a tremendous amount of diligence and patience to stay on top of and to make sure she is being advocated for at school. We need to get into a rhythm of better sleep. I told her that I read something that the better rested we are the less nightmares we have. Maybe that is true maybe it isn’t but I will try anything to get her to trick herself into not having anymore nightmare. Monika told us that bio-mom narrative about the incident is that I provoked her to attack me. How does that make any sense, that she felt her life was so threatened she felt it okay to try and take mine.

05/12/15 Tuesday

We just moved stepdaughter’s bed around because of the nightmares.

Kaitlan Vogel call that the Criminal Protective Order. They want to amend the order so that it says that she is not supposed to contact. Bringing the motion, make the CPO match but she is going to oppose it. Because it is a motion and just negotiating, come in on the 19th extra time for security Department 9. Through security up one floor 9. 220 West Broadway downtown courthouse, nothing come up photos and videos. Calendar department, the trail will have own judge and own a trail at the calendar department 60 cases in there when they call us or send us out to another department tons of people, she will be there, sit us away from her keep it all separate, we need to be there, if she shows up begging for her child. She is saying I can’t contact my husband to see stepdaughter. We don’t want the family stuff to crossover. She will be representing us and opposing this motion. 8:30am – 1pm need baby sitter, she might want to go back in chambers totally normal, argue it much more helpful, hasn’t told her anything about delay trail, big packet of discovery is out as of today. Because is not civil, criminal anything that is going to come out at trail I can object or delay she can’t surprise in the middle of it. Expert in strangulation, was talking to her about her case let her review it and. No doubt that this is going to be a problem. If she needs an extra information. Packet went this morning, first glimpse of the reality, they have had pictures but now they have all the medical. Her duty is to see what the best thing is for bio-mom, new attorneys want trail, want to roll the dice not a public defender never heard of her before. She is private Jasmin Verndt criminal lawyer. Four trails in the next week, email. Sometimes they try to bully us and call us we have to give a statement. We do not have to talk to them for any reason. We are at my step-son’s and it is awkward for me. Not sure why but it is.

So it’s been 30 days since it happened. 30 Days lots has happened. I still feel a crazy sensation across the back of my head. My head throbs at my temples daily, my neck still feels sore, I can sometimes still feel hands on my neck, I sometimes still feel a radical burning sensation on my neck, I feel cloudy in my head like a fog. And I keep hearing the words my husband told me she said in a super crazy calm voice “she did Jon….she destroyed our daughter”. How is it possible to go from crazy murderess with snakes coming out of her head and superpowers to climb walls to a completely different voice and being totally calm?

I am just also remembering how awful the people at the hospital were the second night.

Stepson’s is absolutely not interested whatsoever in speaking to me about what happened and it is true our relationship will never be the same per Erin’s words. Despite our family pact it can only be valid with people that step-son’s considers family and that no longer involes me.

Today things are still strange, I still feel weird around people who are close to this woman and unfortunately this means her kids. None of this had to happen. While I did not deserve this I survived and realizing how many women this impacts, how many families this impacts I have to speak up.

#domesticviolence #supervisedvisitation #courtorders #court #liar #strangulation #surviovr #family #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdaughter #lajolla #sandiego #speakup #shareyourstory

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