Be careful of what you say to me…Who says this?!

Who says this? Who threatens someone with be careful of what you say to the mother of your child? Someone threatening you, that’s who! 

This was one of the few times I ever spoke in person to this woman, my step-kids mother, the person that attacked and strangled me, changing my life forever. I remember this day, I remember thinking we were on the same page. I see now she just nods her head and smiles, giving you the indication that you are having a real conversation, but nothing was real about it. My stepdaughter was suffering so severely, every week coming to our house with issues and tears. Her feelings were constantly be hurt at her mother’s house. She was regularly just disregarded. 

But what is exceptionally weird is that she said: “those are things you should be careful of saying about the mother of your child”. Be careful? Why because you are going to freak out and act like an aminal attacking his new wife trying to kill her? Who says this? I have never had some say to me be careful what you say to me. That is a threat! She’s been threatening towards us for years, and I never saw it. 

From:Husband 

Date: July 29, 2012 10:54:44 PM PDT

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife 

Subject: Travel 

Dear Husband’s Ex-Wife,

Regarding your text about contributing to support our son to travel. We are unable to continue to support him financially at the level we have been. Since May 2010 we have absorbed the majority of all his living expenses. We feel what is fair is that once his travel expenses that your family has paid for, reach four thousand two hundred dollars we will coordinate directly with him about helping him out. He understands that he can rely on us for help and in the future we are no longer required to discuss it with you.

Regards,

Husband 

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: July 30, 2012 12:28:52 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: Our son

im preparing a list of expenses to show you that we contribute also to his needs. You can deduct it to your calculation..he will need help from both families when he is in belguim and i just want that to be fair and clear…when i know exacly how much he will need by month i will let you know and you can decide how much you can help him . ex-wife

From: Husband 

Date: July 30, 2012 12:28:52 PM PDT

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Subject: RE: our son

Your purchasing gifts for him did not contribute to any child support for the duration that he lived with us 100% at my house. I am not interested in your list of expenses.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: July 30, 2012 12:28:52 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: RE: our son

its not gifts i will send it to you sow you can see that we were supporting him and still are…

On Jul 30, 2012, at 10:52 AM, Husband’s Ex-Wife wrote:

i think that for the stability and to avoid what happened last night with our daughter wanting to be at both place for different reason at the same time we should stick to the schedule your week my week and not make any changes to confuse her..i will speak to her later today of how she felt..she spoke to me in a disrespect way and i called her on it than she decided to call you to come back for family night .i also want the best for her and think this would help..starting in september couse she wants to spend time with your family after being away for a month with us. ill pick her up at 3 today to go to the dentist .ex-wife

On Jul 30, 2012, at 11:09 AM, Husband wrote:

You lied to her and she knows it. You made her feel unwanted too. 

On Jul 30, 2012, at 11:16 AM, Husband’s Ex-Wife wrote:

please dont call me a lier i will talk to her i never say netta didnt come becouse of her..

From: Husband

Subject: Re: our daughter

Date: Mon, 30 Jul 2012 11:43:12 -0700

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

The best way to avoid what happened last night is for you to stop mistreating her and abusing her emotionally. She called you to come over and you said you were busy with friends. She then finds out that you invited her brother over for dinner and not her. Regardless of what she asked for specifically, you did not invite her, and you only invited her brother. This made her feel unwanted, she cried because of you. Then she gets to your house and was told that the friend did not come because of you and we were trying to have a calm night and she ruined it. She didn’t want “family night” what she wanted was to get away from you because you upset her. 

Again, if you want to avoid what happened last night then stop making choices that could potentially hurt your daughter. What you are doing is emotionally abusive and you are permanently damaging your relationship with your daughter with your poor choices. 

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: July 30, 2012 12:14:55 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: RE: our daughter 

i need to correct you again about what happenned becouse instead of understanding the situation you assume and jump to conclusion than accuse me of mistreating her and abusing her emotionly those are things you should be carefull of saying about the mother of your child. she called me in the morning to ask to come over in the day ,i told her we were gonne and than she asked me if she could come for dinner. if i invited her brother in the first place it was becouse i had to discuss alot with him .i will no longer answers your insults .i will only communicate with you true email and about schedules,school,activities,medical apt..etc…like i said before we will stick to schedule your week my week and will be responsable of her care ..doctors apt pick up,driving her etc. Husband’s Ex-Wife.. 

Subject: Re: our dauther 

From: Husband 

Date: Mon, 30 Jul 2012 14:23:47 -0700

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Just so we are clear…

I am not trying to take her away from you like what you thought I was trying to do with our son when he wanted to live with me. 

Our daughter is getting to an age where she is starting to show a preference and learning how to articulate that preference. If we don’t pay attention she will only get louder about it. 

If she wants to live with me full time this would be an easy way for her to feel better and I won’t tell her no but the underlying issue is that she desires a better and safer relationship with her mother. Children never stop loving their parents no matter how much they hurt them and they are products of their environments.

The only thing I can do is encourage working on communicating better to her and to you. In fact I will always encourage it because without it she will grow up with a big need that will never be filled. What I really want to avoid is her getting those needs met outside of the home because the older she gets the harder it will be to keep her away from bad things.

I don’t know what the right answer is but the wrong answer is doing what we are doing because it is not helping her. What I would like to request is when I come to discuss what is going on with her you stop making it about yourself and focus on what she needs. 

This isn’t a fight over our daughter it is an attempt to help her get her needs met and she has expressed that if things improved with her mother that she would feel more comfortable at her mothers home.

On Jul 30, 2012, at 1:14 PM, Husband wrote:

Our daughter is suffering emotionally. Let me repeat it a few more times so maybe it will sink in. Our daughter is suffering emotionally. Our daughter is suffering emotionally. Our daughter is suffering emotionally and your response is to reprimand me about telling you? 

It’s affecting her ability to feel safe, it confusing her, it is affecting her ability to feel secure or confident and especially important it is impacting her ability to learn at school. 

You telling me to be careful of what I am saying about the mother of my child is not relevant we are divorce, I divorced because I don’t agree with the way you mother my children and I still don’t but I can’t change that. 

I also cannot change my instincts to protect my child from ANYONE who mistreats them and the last person on earth who should be hurting a child is one of her parents. Especially her own mother. Whether you think you hurt or not it not relevant. What matters isher feelings about what happened. 

Going week on week off doesn’t support her needs any longer. What is your suggestion to help her?

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: July 30, 2012 7:36:21 PM PDT

To:Husband

Subject: RE: our daughter

let me clear your memorie. I asked for the divorce after you abanded the kids for 3 years so spear me the bullshit mr perfect..how dare you say im hurting my children …you need some help hopefully the judge will see true your manipulation..couse i do…i wont answer anymore emails regarding this.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Date: July 30, 2012 7:23:31 PM PDT

To: Husband

Subject: RE: our daughter

After speaking with our daughter today i came to the conclusion that she is very confused between what she ears at your house and what she feels towards me..she is only 10 and i will not make any changes on schedule. if you want to make changes you will have to go in front of the judge .and i gladly will let them assest the situation in both families and psycologist to come to a conclusion…today she was leaving her phone on so you could ear our conversation that is manupulation asking her to do so…very sad…i told her that she needs her mother as much as her father something im sure you dont tell her ..my relation ship with her is healthy and you underminding it will end up hurting her .who are you to say im hurting her or that she would be better off being less with me. 

From: Husband

Date: July 30, 2012 1:19:31 PM PDT

To: Husband’s Ex-Wife

Subject: RE: our daughter

I am not saying you are hurting your children I am telling you that she has told me she feels hurt by you. There is a difference. I don’t appreciate name calling and I feel it is especially distasteful that you are choosing to focus on this rather than what we can do to help improve our daughter’s life in order for her to feel safe, secure and happy. 

I will not allow my daughter to continue to feel the way she does. She deserves more than this. She has awareness and her maturity is changing rapidly we are required to change with her. If the previous arrangements are not serving her it is our responsibility to recognize it and help.

Again, I ask what is your suggestion? If you choose not to answer than you are making a conscious choice not to co-parent which does not benefit Josephine. If I were you I would be doing whatever I could to figure out why my daughter wants this and what I could do to help make it better. 

Journal – August 3, 2012

My step daughter came back from her Mom’s at 6:50pm. She was yelling at the top of her lungs in the hallway of our condo building to her mother who sat in the car instead of walking her to the door from the street. She is super high energy. She is super sassy. Talking back, interrupting while her Dad is trying to have a conversation about why plans need to be communicated through parents. She got sent back to her Mom’s because we were so frustrated. I talked to her mom outside for a long time about how great it was that she will see a therapist and we can get a recommendation on how to make changes or suggest a different schedule.