You CANNOT Co-Parent with a Narcissit!

Is this what co-parenting looks like for most? I have no idea what others do and would love to know if what we were doing was on the right track or not. Did our communication contribute to her attacking me? What did I do wrong?

In reviewing these communications, we had short periods of consistency. I know we are about a year out of getting attacked, so it feels strange to see us being able to share what was going with our daughter. What I do see though is the strain with her wanting to live at our house and us being afraid to talk about it. Rather than talk about it we would have to ignore her requests for a change and just be a place for her to put her feelings.

It was coming out at school her frustrations. While things were improving and she was getting to grade level, she was not improving with regulating her emotions. Although I forgot that lice started showing up so early, we struggled with lice for months and months!

What is crazy is what she told the courts after all these years of trying to communicate like below….

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband
Sent: Monday, February 10, 2014 6:54 PM
Subject: Switch 2/10

She a great week and her weekly school report was excellent. She forgot to bring it to school, we will bring it in tomorrow so she isn’t penalized for not bringing it.

She ended up accepting apologies at school from the boys that made fun of her. She ended up confronting the boy that mainly made fun of her for giving her an unacceptable apology. We are very proud of her and now that boy knows he can’t pick on her because she will stand up to him.

She had a big sweet tooth while she was her, she asked for something sweet everyday which is different than normal.

Nothing big to report other than she asked to stay here another week and told us that she already talked to you. In the future it would be great if she comes to you with that request you just tell her that you will speak to us first. Then she won’t feel like she can negotiate that for herself because she can’t. We thought it’s better to be consistent with week on week off because we have a good rhythm going.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband; Husband’s New Wife
Sent: Tuesday, February 18, 2014 1:34 PM
Subject: Weekly report

Hi Husband and Husband’s New Wife
We had a really good week overall with her at home and at school.
Her hand god hurt yesterday at the rec playing with her brother . It looks fine but a little sour just have a look at it today also talent show week practice tommorow after lunch at school and show friday .
Husband’s Ex-Wife
Ps Her friend’s mom will pick up today but big brother need to go get her at 4

Here is another example of what is to come when I share the court documents, I have been sharing now all our our correspondences…

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband
Sent: Friday, February 28, 2014 1:37 PM
Subject: Switch

Sorry for the late email regarding but with the Monday lice ordeal you have knowledge of our biggest issue….an itchy head. We did an at home treatment on Saturday and Sunday with vinegar and essential oils and lots of coming through in addition to bringing her in on Monday. Hopefully she is past thinking she still has lice.

Other than that she was awesome this week, no issues at all. She is even brushing her teeth, wihout reminders.

We did have her IEP meeting, and she has made great progress since that last big IEP meeting which is great news.

She is still not proficient and we were slightly alarmed with some of the new behavioral issues with aggression that are showing up.

It is impossible for us to have a productive discussion to cover everything we learned at the IEP meeting over an email.

We were told that you have not had your meeting yet.

One big take away from the meeting is that she has to continue to read every day for at least 30 minutes, the repetetion is what will help her. We try to be consistent with this at our house but life does get in the way sometimes. We are going to make sure we are putting in a bigger effort ot make this a priority. Her learning her times tables is a big one too. She shared with us that she feels bad she doesn’t know them. Maybe we all can make an effort to help her practice out of school.

Her biggest issue is memory recall which she will need to learn to compensate as it is just how her brain is wired. The less anxiety she has the easier it will be for her.

Hope she is having a good week. She was super happy to pick up her loom bands.

From: Husband’s Ex-Wife
To: Husband’s New Wife; Husband
Sent: Monday, March 3, 2014 11:46 AM
Subject: RE: Switch

thank you for the mail and report of last week
I will have the EIP meeting as well in the next weeks
happy to know there is some improvements as well at school than at home great week here
will make sure she reads more at night other wise homework is getting done smoothly.
the only change i see with she is not hungry in the morning before school .
i make sure she still has a little to eat and told her its the most important meal of the day ..
last thing field trip tomorow she needs snack,water and packed lunch ..
Husband’s Ex-Wife

From: Husband’s New Wife
To: Husband’s Ex-Wife
Cc: Husband
Sent: Thursday, March 20, 2014 8:54 AM
Subject: Re: Switch

We are in the middle of our new week. Our switch last week was late due to her not feeling well and it is still lingering. She/we need to be careful with her sleep and stop putting her fingers in her mouth. Her immune system seems low, she gets lots of viruses but if one is constantly putting their unwashed fingers in their mouth it increases their chances. We noticed how badly she is biting her nails again and felt concern as she does it past the point of pain drawing blood. We asked her if she was “okay” and she says she is and doesn’t know why she bites them so badly. This is a symptom of the Anxiety Disorder she was diagnosed with and we need to help her change and manage her anxiety. Her teachers are saying she is improving and feels happier to them so perhaps us communicating consistently is helping but noticing when she is feeling extra anxious like now on both sides of her home will also help her. If she continues biting them badly maybe you can ask her if she’s okay again too? Not surprising when she is feeling anxious we had more blow ups than normal. Two big ones that almost lost her play dates over the weekend. She was super stubborn,defensive and argumentative more than normal.

Some more things not communicated from the last time are that she was part of a group of kids that were surprised by the teacher to have completed 100% of their homework and also received good weekly reports for 11 weeks in a row. Not sure if she shared this with you, we told her to do so. She is very proud, this was a big effort and motivator. She also received her report card this week which showed great improvement, did you also receive? The only issue is the “sometimes” for respecting others and their property. We are going to ask the teacher what this means so we can explain it to her and bring awareness so she can change her behavior.

We are late to communicate because she is also sharing with us lots of feelings, similar to how she did in the past that we communicated. That didn’t go so well so we hesitate to share again if it doesn’t help her. I think that maybe she just wants somewhere to put these feelings. I personally have the feeling that if my daughter was struggling with some emotions I would want to know. If you want to know things like this let us know and we will share them. Otherwise from now we are going to not react to her feelings and just let her have a safe place to put them. That said we feel she would benefit talking to Heather again going over the summer before she goes into middle grade. Maybe this will help her transition better? Let us know what you think and if we could arrange it through the insurance.

Husband’s New Wife and Husband